Installment # VI

I can say it now & tell how i remember it... for it strikes this sun,  settles under this moon, with such expansive depth! touches all hearts untouched in a timeless surreal way. they were the ones who looked upon us. they stopped what they were doing, to see. we were not pleading to be found there, no, we wanted only to be alone in the simple complication of our love as she grew then and grows now, and some day shall extend on beyond both of us, like a vine up towards light, cut at source, ascends on into the night. undying still. or so i believe with all the faith in me. see. may not align with what youve been taught, no, but cannot be taught anyway, the feeling we feel!

Photo by Lorien,  2010

All inside this feeling. beat down doors, unlocked memories, dug into those hidden crates you thought you could keep secret. the feeling pushed around so hard new feelings arose out of her. half of them with chills thrown up in the air. coming down in daggered sleet to soft snow.

Her edges fit comfortably up against mine, we surfed the height of waves of emotions looked like walls. the night terrors i held her through. the shades of red my anger bled out on us, she softened toward pink. just by listening. just by caring. just by not backing off of my heat i cast out. my insanity i gave her. the realm of insecure feelings, i cast out of her ground. once the ground proved solid, her eyes wet my face. eyelids butterflied up to the ceiling. i raised my head no longer burdened, when i trusted my sentient self to her care. her whole being was fair. light and most giving. she held me through some waves and winds of time past grieving. the way we knew one another now. wow. all we shared. truly we cared.

Katya sepiashot 2010

Such was our intention, to travel realms hardly mentioned. the rose garden tucked away behind the city.  the edge where pacific meets the bay. the window open at dawn gave us the tall dying oak, once we pushed our bed against her wall. eastern light uplifted our mornings, our coffee, our yawning, our stretches out and about and around arms clasped together. the smiles we gave. the sharing of clothes we thrifted. the pushing out past suffered like dust sent spent into sunny california weather.


Rolling about in sunlight on the hill just up from town. The grand old theatre marqueed for her and I, she and me. trying so effortlessly to set one another free of all the old constraints. sawing away, or what we saw and what we see...sure blindness came over us at times. but she could see for me, that i know. and i could catch her off balance. or race her down the street. down the hidden stairway to find the pictures of Brando and Orpheus, Bette Davis and Done Away -- i mean Faye.

Talk of climbing trees. When we talked, soon to be. Feeling euphoria & maybe sore in our bodies, most of the time. sharing our secret writings. Listening to what we say, sometimes. More often talking over each other, its okay. So much to share, so much to say. Interruptions all day! push the agendas like wind pushing sails. still we lined them up then took down the rails... who could really stop us? like life we existed, whether it was just or not fair. all week we ran the town in our camisole tops on our long pale legs. drinking coke slush half the day, i swear. meeting farmer market folk with smiles all between us. eating almonds,  lucky charms -- spun out on kung pao four alarms.

Photo by Katya, 2010

At night she showed me chinese herbs. felt my six pulses. i watched and observed. She honored with me, silently, the ashes of my baby girl -- my cat in cedar safely laid to rest. I honored her to hold against those dreams sent down to terrify. Until she fell back asleep in my arms. Awoke I took a leak. Sisters here, now found! In love immersed, not drowned. Waters deep we waded.  held palms to palm we hoped to keep. spooned one another, faded into REM sleep.

Agitations before unsettled,  smoothed calm by our embrace. Our tears  like all the post traumatic stress, fell into a light mist unitive. Faced and confronted washed away to gray. Chance set up the constellations, through which we astral traveled now...synchronizations turned our sensations toward thoughts of hope dripping into silence. leaving soft water marks in the sink...

and back to that place we adore. legs tangled up. deep kissing.  faith and trust. stand by me, by you stand I. always to remember those times... i (you) turn into your (my) arms and just cry (cry). just cry.