Next morning
i undo them.
the weaves
mixed with henna.
I feel whole
enchilada!
I feel so damn
unique!
fresh is my context.
empowered
to seek!
I level myself to
the woman before me,
my self and myself
and
myselflessness
the core me
In body
undressing
my spirit
i show her...
She careful-like
dresses
all wounds
of my
self
Like spirit
like mind
like feeling
and thought
let waves
of my tresses
let go
Find
what i lost
i lost
lost?
All wisdom
traditions
long survived
hold great value.
But mine was
somewhat inaccessible,
descended from the
Huguenots of France.
One of the largest exodus
the world has ever known,
that of the Hugeunots
out of France and Europe.
Much is lost and needs
re-placement in the history,
I would imagine,
under the circumstance of
flight and exodus...
I knew very little of my
heritage, as a result,
so this was not unusual to
be in a place of unknown.
What had my people lost?
What had i lost?
Alll i knew is i took up easily
the Eastern traditions, Mahayana
Buddhism came natural to
learn, and astrology and
mysticism were areas of
great interest and inquiry
to me. I felt at home with mystics,
psychics, astrologists and
numerologists, intuitives. Voodoo
priestesses.
I found myself having to defend
the 6th sense type practices and
practitioners often, in my conversations
with Western subscribers to religion
and medicine. I rather publicly
hoped that being a redhead (of the
henna variety) might help me better
defend and teach those who came off
ignorant. Rarely had i luck as a blonde.
If we are any of us to speak,
let then speak all the rest! is the basic
feeling i have about learning. Keep an
open mind and embrace aliens of any
kind (to you). Non-judgment was a
difficult stance to carry. But i tried.
I knew my redhead self and I
must also come to terms...
me and other, me and her...
Move out of
opposition.
Like planets come direct,
a confrontational
condition!
Recline in lace
decline in latin
we carry mace
we pace
our homeland...
our iphones
they connect us
to one another
in waves of codecs
by candlelight
reading tarot decks
by high definitions
by low end theories
overstocked inventories
online reviews
identity theft stories.
Recycling
multitasking
substituting
vices for habits
and habits for
friendships
and friendships
for laptops
recovered
by webcam shots
taken of thieves
who lost pace
to technological
defensive strategic
mind weaves.
I now know
the worth of life
I now know
her cost
i feel calm
i feel scared
i feel...
i care
Still
so still
set to dry
windowsill
My hair
through hands
the strands
I ran
so hot
things ran.
the cold
so
forgotten
Tonight i tried
real hard
to change
they dyed
my hair
felt good
though strange
this night
i cried....
old moon
outside
my tears
they rose!
into the air...
and
froze
The forces
that B?
got lost in
reverses.
Gravitational musings,
centrifugal
reveries.
How to help the sycophants?
Might some day these same
ones be sold out to
corporate sincerity?
I often thought up little
weak prophecies to pass the time.
Soon extant-phants
residuals
shall reside, born of lies,.
with purpose replete,
to make amends, kiss some
ass, and be oh so sweet.
Tonight
i died
i lost
my self
again and again
for
this heavy heart
weighs
me down so.
If only my heart
i could cry...
like my tears that once fell skybound, atmospheric, like
a reverse sort of rain sometimes and will again...
in so being light as lightness may be!
Soon
i believe that soon
Instead of washing
we may rinse
only rinse
The red i may rinse of its henna
imprint the self i may rinse of the
red like a memory recalled, felt again,
and surrendered.
Soon ...
j'espere, yes i hope i can find,
some way that my heart may devote and essay, to
render me selfless again in all my affairs.
To color with courage these opulent fears.
Fin
Afterthoughts:
Being a blonde was no simple life,
unless being discounted
is just what you like. I had my opinions
and wanted them heard. To expect one
to listen than discount their statements and views,
well thats no equality and real frustrating!
Like being held hostage
or feeling all fenced in.
Yeah some attention comes quicker to blondes,
when beautys on topic or fashion the song.
But id trade it all quickly for a political voice,
so the redhead experience might highlight this
choice.
The redhead quality gave me great hope,
as redheads stand out from the average, due to
the attention calling nature of the color red, and
the smaller percentage of the population born
red.
Moral highground was such an insidious affair,
in the States. Ethical standards devised by schools
and institutions, could alienate someone with
alternative type thinking. I had been victim to this
sort of alienation based on my ideas i expressed,
and I often found myself standing up for those with
similar values to myself.
Simultaneously found myself searching for the
place i might belong...
High ground places distance
from common ground held.
Is not this type faction
supposed to unite all believers?
how can believers believe?
looking up? the strain on the neck, hey,
enough is enough.
The atheists,
pagans, agnostics.
The goddess lovers
and huguenots,
muslims, Sufis
and Jewish.
Kaballah. Catholic.
Hindus, the sects,
Confuscians and Protestants.
Buddhists. The Taoists
and Llamas... the end.
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