Wednesday, 31 December 2014
goodbye. 2014
i get into bed
under three layer
blankets
new year's eve
day
a kitten darts
into the mitten
goes under
toe
with me
we hide from
wind storms
never get
cold never grow
old
god blowin' giant
fronds off
the palms
loves me
loves me not
falling
tree cartilage
almost murdered
us
in twenty
fourteen
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Monday, 29 December 2014
get real. 2015
They
gonna love
me
for who I
really
am
the way I love myself
get real
i wanna be celebrated
anywhere i go
anything i want!
say anything!
do anything!
get real
i am gonna settle down. meditate
have a family. support
some kids!
sweet as candy!
a bank account!
in the black!
get real
my partner
will satisfy me around
the clock!
every way
imaginable!
get real
i will find
the special place
where my secrets are safe
where no one
can
hurt me
get real
get a cell phone get
a tablet. get
wireless
get a clue
on the cloud. and
get real
gonna love
me
for who I
really
am
the way I love myself
get real
i wanna be celebrated
anywhere i go
anything i want!
say anything!
do anything!
get real
i am gonna settle down. meditate
have a family. support
some kids!
sweet as candy!
a bank account!
in the black!
get real
my partner
will satisfy me around
the clock!
every way
imaginable!
get real
i will find
the special place
where my secrets are safe
where no one
can
hurt me
get real
get a cell phone get
a tablet. get
wireless
get a clue
on the cloud. and
get real
Saturday, 27 December 2014
last ache. 2014
eye - eye
- eye
there it is again
some sorta pain
no need to ask
god why
listen to the wind
listen to mister coffee
brewing 4
misses
drinks-coffee
away from the pain
away! (the pain)
(somethin' about they don't understand)
(somethin' about what i did not or could not do)
about hopeless
about helpless somethin' about
less and less
nesses
solace
what a word
what a dream...
what a day i had
fallen asleep by the kitten
to end it
wishing i knew
how to curl
round my
tail
too
poem © Katya Mills
photo © Katya Mills
Friday, 26 December 2014
blue. isolated
the blue
of the blue
bird
was
taken!
no
gave
the blue bird gave
its blue
gave it away
to the sky
so can you
give your blue
to the
sky
so can
i
Thursday, 25 December 2014
DECEMBER 25
Wax pools
on windowsills
roasted chestnut
pine burning
turkey roasting
and dripping
away
coffee and cream
awoken from dream
to dream
sight of snow
or wreath and
bow. and lights
like stars
sound of bells
ringing. nat king cole
singing through the point
of a needle on vinyl
to you
children
laughing and jumping
for joy
smiling christians
at the dawn
of day
the kids take the stairs
three or four at a time
to the tree
and gifts
below
grandparents moved
and moving real
slow
may saint nick
ride his sleigh on
eight or more
magical flying reindeer
deep
to all the homes of all
the bad children
too
to see the no good ones
to forgive them
may saint nick
ride the magic on
to the east
to the islamic children
the buddhist children
the hindu children
the hebrew children
so all
of all faiths
feel loved
big and little children alike
on christmas day
good and the bad
naughty and nice
ones who eat meat
ones who eat rice
ones who never seen
the sparkle of ice
and may we learn a thing
from our imagination
this Xmas
and learn to love
more easily
now
on windowsills
roasted chestnut
pine burning
turkey roasting
and dripping
away
coffee and cream
awoken from dream
to dream
sight of snow
or wreath and
bow. and lights
like stars
sound of bells
ringing. nat king cole
singing through the point
of a needle on vinyl
to you
children
laughing and jumping
for joy
smiling christians
at the dawn
of day
the kids take the stairs
three or four at a time
to the tree
and gifts
below
grandparents moved
and moving real
slow
may saint nick
ride his sleigh on
eight or more
magical flying reindeer
deep
to all the homes of all
the bad children
too
to see the no good ones
to forgive them
may saint nick
ride the magic on
to the east
to the islamic children
the buddhist children
the hindu children
the hebrew children
so all
of all faiths
feel loved
big and little children alike
on christmas day
good and the bad
naughty and nice
ones who eat meat
ones who eat rice
ones who never seen
the sparkle of ice
and may we learn a thing
from our imagination
this Xmas
and learn to love
more easily
now
Monday, 22 December 2014
the turnaround
i crash and burn
my world falls
down
i get right up
then turn
around
a letter from a jailhouse
jay-cat
tries to work behind
the tired eyes
take me down
from Dubai heights
strip my inhibition
stark naked
hollering
mad
far
from sunlight
to depths below
the dolomites
recessed
in death's sincere sound
of silence
pervasive and persuasive
fears of senseless
resounding
violence
i'm lost already
in tomorrow's retribution
the fantasy labyrinthine
of my furious
mind
my world falls
down
i get right up
then turn
around
a letter from a jailhouse
jay-cat
tries to work behind
the tired eyes
take me down
from Dubai heights
strip my inhibition
stark naked
hollering
mad
far
from sunlight
to depths below
the dolomites
recessed
in death's sincere sound
of silence
pervasive and persuasive
fears of senseless
resounding
violence
i'm lost already
in tomorrow's retribution
the fantasy labyrinthine
of my furious
mind
Saturday, 20 December 2014
enveloped in media glaze - fin
There i am
lagging realtime...
red is now blue
and blue is now green is
now gold is now
silver
silver surfing
edged off a
screen
separated from the sugar
the lemons turn
orange
there i am
doing the dishes
with my eyes closed
day-trading milliseconds
making a moment
per trade
sometimes life feels like
convincing a pig being hammed
was a cure
there we are
we need another miracle
one was not enough
mother nature
on a rampage
the killing kind
there we are
renewal in the rain
refilling a prescription
for affliction
sensation of merlot
down the gullet
some sorta warmth
there it is
the opiated vision
tele path
tele vision sets
a course for
disaster
i used to tell myself
you are just plain rotten
the best in me
i had downright
forgotten
verboten
another fifth of a second
time traded away
there we are
our gps in
reverb
we are the echo
of a sliver
of a moment
in time
promoted unconditionally
shamelessly
feverishly
it is so sad to watch her unfold
fate. nostalgic
like a carpet
stashed away in the back of your closet
you see all the old stains
and remember
and unravel
this is why i roll it up
and choose
destiny
lagging realtime...
red is now blue
and blue is now green is
now gold is now
silver
silver surfing
edged off a
screen
separated from the sugar
the lemons turn
orange
there i am
doing the dishes
with my eyes closed
day-trading milliseconds
making a moment
per trade
sometimes life feels like
convincing a pig being hammed
was a cure
there we are
we need another miracle
one was not enough
mother nature
on a rampage
the killing kind
there we are
renewal in the rain
refilling a prescription
for affliction
sensation of merlot
down the gullet
some sorta warmth
there it is
the opiated vision
tele path
tele vision sets
a course for
disaster
i used to tell myself
you are just plain rotten
the best in me
i had downright
forgotten
verboten
another fifth of a second
time traded away
there we are
our gps in
reverb
we are the echo
of a sliver
of a moment
in time
promoted unconditionally
shamelessly
feverishly
it is so sad to watch her unfold
fate. nostalgic
like a carpet
stashed away in the back of your closet
you see all the old stains
and remember
and unravel
this is why i roll it up
and choose
destiny
Thursday, 18 December 2014
enveloped in media glaze - v
there we are
the us in nostradamus
under the bridge of celebrity
worship
drinking coffee
eating the media glazed
donuts
promising each other miracles
just to stay sane
there we are
lacing and weaving
the words
some of the dopest beats
just to stay sane
you and me
took the same classes
on different streets
hell razors
on a cold day. indeed
internally enveloped
not yet delivered
preoccupied with raising hell
a roll of the thumb
carries the imprint of culture
we made some premonitions
and put them in the freezer
no problem at all
to thaw
with the orange juice
on the counter
mix with water
then drink
effing with the time-space
continuum
the us in nostradamus
under the bridge of celebrity
worship
drinking coffee
eating the media glazed
donuts
promising each other miracles
just to stay sane
there we are
lacing and weaving
the words
some of the dopest beats
just to stay sane
you and me
took the same classes
on different streets
hell razors
on a cold day. indeed
internally enveloped
not yet delivered
preoccupied with raising hell
a roll of the thumb
carries the imprint of culture
we made some premonitions
and put them in the freezer
no problem at all
to thaw
with the orange juice
on the counter
mix with water
then drink
effing with the time-space
continuum
Labels:
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society,
worship
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
forecast. partly sunny to breakthrough of light
Listen my friend, you will do well today to simply approach your interests, wherever you may find yourself. Your environment need not stop you today, from following your attention where it leads you. All you gotta do, my friend, is breathe in and out, carry yourself as best you know how, love yourself a little or alot, be courageous and immerse yourself in the moment. Allow for silences to fill up the room. Look anyone you want in the eye. If difficulty arises, have confidence you can bring your light into the dark places where others may very well reside, this holiday season. Immerse yourself in your felt senses, and let your intuition be your guide today. Follow your heart towards its passion, even if it is unfamiliar exploration of any given situation. Have gratitude. You are right where you oughta be, okay? Loving you today, if you cannot love yourself. You will find a way. xo - K.
Monday, 15 December 2014
journal entry. date unknown. (performance)
journal entry. date unknown.
Posted on December 4, 2014 by KatYa
And suddenly the long uneven thickening and thinning motion which we followed for days, to some terrifying expanse of the same substance, which slipped through our hands and burrowed easily into earth, endless before us; suddenly jumped up into the air, unseen, and immersed us, standing there. We tried to take cover, yet still could not escape it. I shivered so long. I knew not would we survive. One of us took on a strange chill, became quiet and very hot to touch. Then ceased to be anymore. Another one then began to shake and call. Overtaken by the bitter salty substance fell out the eyes for days on end. They, too, would soon cease to be. The rest of us finally understood. We fell down before the mighty moving creature. We prayed. Then cupped our hands around it, breaking some off from the whole (though appeared unbroken), and looked at one another one last time; then took it to the lips and raised our eyes to the sky, open pale of neck, and let the substance seep into ourselves! A most unusual feeling as it reached down into me! Further! We waited. We then fell one at a time, to earth, and fell asleep awaiting.Then rose I know not when or how! And smiled! And embraced one another! For we were still alive! From this moment forward, we drank and followed the uneven line of this great, mysterious, borderless, lightness of mass. Trusting. Cupping it in our hands and hollowed tree limbs. It led us to verdant wonders never before seen, or known! We listened and the sound, once frightful, was now soothing us to sleep. The air was fresh, and colorful at times! And in the mornings, sometimes, as light awakened life… we immersed ourselves entire, in cool and friendly waters still. Life would never be the same.
Posted on December 4, 2014 by KatYa
And suddenly the long uneven thickening and thinning motion which we followed for days, to some terrifying expanse of the same substance, which slipped through our hands and burrowed easily into earth, endless before us; suddenly jumped up into the air, unseen, and immersed us, standing there. We tried to take cover, yet still could not escape it. I shivered so long. I knew not would we survive. One of us took on a strange chill, became quiet and very hot to touch. Then ceased to be anymore. Another one then began to shake and call. Overtaken by the bitter salty substance fell out the eyes for days on end. They, too, would soon cease to be. The rest of us finally understood. We fell down before the mighty moving creature. We prayed. Then cupped our hands around it, breaking some off from the whole (though appeared unbroken), and looked at one another one last time; then took it to the lips and raised our eyes to the sky, open pale of neck, and let the substance seep into ourselves! A most unusual feeling as it reached down into me! Further! We waited. We then fell one at a time, to earth, and fell asleep awaiting.Then rose I know not when or how! And smiled! And embraced one another! For we were still alive! From this moment forward, we drank and followed the uneven line of this great, mysterious, borderless, lightness of mass. Trusting. Cupping it in our hands and hollowed tree limbs. It led us to verdant wonders never before seen, or known! We listened and the sound, once frightful, was now soothing us to sleep. The air was fresh, and colorful at times! And in the mornings, sometimes, as light awakened life… we immersed ourselves entire, in cool and friendly waters still. Life would never be the same.
Labels:
air,
creation,
creative writing,
earth,
fiction,
fire,
flash,
katya,
performance,
spoken word,
video,
water,
wind,
youtube
enveloped in media glaze -iv
Ghost train slides down
the wet rails
up the coast
California
i heard its rumble
i saw its dreary cars
burdened by a sagging
economy
patience has run out on itself
life becomes the wait so
everything is now
again
there i am being
grinding my teeth. waiting
nerves frayed
at both ends. turbulent
like each and every loss of each and every one of my friends
my gems
love got conditional on us. fast
for sures into maybes
impending silence...
vast
i listen to the rain
and
in each drop
i am
ecstatic
the wet rails
up the coast
California
i heard its rumble
i saw its dreary cars
burdened by a sagging
economy
patience has run out on itself
life becomes the wait so
everything is now
again
there i am being
grinding my teeth. waiting
nerves frayed
at both ends. turbulent
like each and every loss of each and every one of my friends
my gems
love got conditional on us. fast
for sures into maybes
impending silence...
vast
i listen to the rain
and
in each drop
i am
ecstatic
Sunday, 14 December 2014
TUMBLEWEEDS
© katya mills
i cannot be fragile anymore
'cause i will break!
i will lose it!
you won't know me!
pSychOtic
instead i am
a twig
a dancer
a yogi
a paperback
following my rituals
a turtle
an ascetic
a mailman
a homeless woman
recycling her cans before
dawn
can i live
any other way?
letting some in
and letting some go
some relationships
friends
ex-lovers and
others
fall away
and another
and another
and another
my heart wants to break
but can
only shed skins
like a white snake
leaving wax paper
shells in the dust
blown by the wind
as it must
as it must
a-tumblin' on outta
here to god only knows!
god only knows
god only knows
i cannot be fragile anymore
'cause i will break!
i will lose it!
you won't know me!
pSychOtic
instead i am
a twig
a dancer
a yogi
a paperback
following my rituals
a turtle
an ascetic
a mailman
a homeless woman
recycling her cans before
dawn
can i live
any other way?
letting some in
and letting some go
some relationships
friends
ex-lovers and
others
fall away
and another
and another
and another
my heart wants to break
but can
only shed skins
like a white snake
leaving wax paper
shells in the dust
blown by the wind
as it must
as it must
a-tumblin' on outta
here to god only knows!
god only knows
god only knows
Saturday, 13 December 2014
enveloped in media glaze -iii
There we were
beyond irreverence
plain old sick with inherited inattention and hate
the litany of bitter recall
transformed by psychosocial maybe
magical means
our loyalty to us
our caring for us
our sheltering us
into a white
snake
we now hold a reception to
culturally-sanctioned pissing
on modern artists
modern art
on ourselves
because it's hot
and steamy
and toxic
unctuous
noxious...
scrumptious!
everyone's invited and no one comes
sex with us is asexual
fighting us ... (at best) ineffectual
believing in us (good) for the karma
without us (there is) no tension
no dharma
i'm gonna jump in anyway
disappear into it. let it absorb me
that's what i am gonna do!
comfort is manufactured. right here in America.
we won't ever outsource comfort. we like riding
on suspension braking on
air floating in
water softens the
earth for building a
fire
beyond irreverence
plain old sick with inherited inattention and hate
the litany of bitter recall
transformed by psychosocial maybe
magical means
our loyalty to us
our caring for us
our sheltering us
into a white
snake
we now hold a reception to
culturally-sanctioned pissing
on modern artists
modern art
on ourselves
because it's hot
and steamy
and toxic
unctuous
noxious...
scrumptious!
everyone's invited and no one comes
sex with us is asexual
fighting us ... (at best) ineffectual
believing in us (good) for the karma
without us (there is) no tension
no dharma
i'm gonna jump in anyway
disappear into it. let it absorb me
that's what i am gonna do!
comfort is manufactured. right here in America.
we won't ever outsource comfort. we like riding
on suspension braking on
air floating in
water softens the
earth for building a
fire
Friday, 12 December 2014
enveloped in media glaze -ii
There i was
shoelaces untied
hair untied
falling down
unmade up
there i was again hoping
to be myself to
find my way out
of my act
waiting in long lines
making friends
either side of me
leaking subconscious
on a drowning day
there i was
a poached egg
trying to get back to scrambled
or even better
broken fresh over fried rice
there i was again
precise GPS unknown
unaccountable
no reservations at anyone's table
these holidays
Just the way I like it
visions of skaters
fat laces, boards and ink
All-Stars
just shining and breaking
out the dirt... a gem of a
friend
there we were hanging out, loitering
falling, receding....
gone
someone was trying to talk me out of something
who, i don't know. the law?
i don't care
ride a rail outta
nowhere
shoelaces untied
hair untied
falling down
unmade up
there i was again hoping
to be myself to
find my way out
of my act
waiting in long lines
making friends
either side of me
leaking subconscious
on a drowning day
there i was
a poached egg
trying to get back to scrambled
or even better
broken fresh over fried rice
there i was again
precise GPS unknown
unaccountable
no reservations at anyone's table
these holidays
Just the way I like it
visions of skaters
fat laces, boards and ink
All-Stars
just shining and breaking
out the dirt... a gem of a
friend
there we were hanging out, loitering
falling, receding....
gone
someone was trying to talk me out of something
who, i don't know. the law?
i don't care
ride a rail outta
nowhere
Labels:
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skater,
writing
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
vodka sun tonics
vodka sun tonics
Posted on December 10, 2014
by KatYa
Living gave meaning and giving made meaning, as youth abandoned themselves lightly to the falls.
I felt blue and cried the color out of itself, unbearable facing the east at sunset.
Military drilling cost a heavy shilling, when shelling lobbed over the land. The purple hearts they would sink, into a deep pink, like olives in set vodka sun tonics.
You watch! you said, watching me, watching youth, themselves, abandoned lightly to the falls.
Living gave meaning and giving made meaning, as youth abandoned themselves lightly to the falls.
I felt blue and cried the color out of itself, unbearable facing the east at sunset.
Military drilling cost a heavy shilling, when shelling lobbed over the land. The purple hearts they would sink, into a deep pink, like olives in set vodka sun tonics.
You watch! you said, watching me, watching youth, themselves, abandoned lightly to the falls.
Labels:
blue,
poem,
poetry,
purple heart,
sunset,
vodka tonic,
youth
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
enveloped in media glaze
they crowned Miss Fortune, year unknown. The whole pageantry was born to fail. But it would die a planned and perfect death. Lots of young girls crying. Lots of false smiles turning real and upside down. Right up on the stage for all to see. A real corporate-sponsored mess. That's what they say happens when you let them take your heart. Or did you package it up, and give it to them? No I would never accuse you of that, no more than I might casually ask you over coffee, do you like bestiality? No, some things should no more be thrown out for public consumption than road kills, however fresh. No matter if the killer was your new Dodge Charger, freshly detailed. Not even if your buying lunch, or you somehow got it expensed off somebody's corporate card or your own. Not even! Not even by text message. No. Not even laundered through social media. Perhaps, and only unlikely, with God's will, through instagram: offensive images attached.
the watchers, the witnesses, half of them for rent on that very evening (whichever one it was), often found the edge where light and shadow spar. Out on the edge where lines got real sharp, in bitter contrast. They weren't surprised. Half of them were convinced they had orchestrated the movement, from the rows of seats around our giant battle cage half- full of feathers. They would take anything on. But we knew. Somewhere behind our shrimp cocktails, beneath our anchovy wafers, over the steam rising off our bavarian sausages rolled in bacon blankets and impaled on wooden picks, we carried this honest truth. No, it did not sit well. The load was unbalanced all the time, spilling over like our martinis those days. Whatever days those were. No one would remember because everyone was invested in forgetting everything. The privilege the others were born under left the watchers, the witnesses, half of them for rent, there on the ledge.
the watchers, the witnesses, half of them for rent on that very evening (whichever one it was), often found the edge where light and shadow spar. Out on the edge where lines got real sharp, in bitter contrast. They weren't surprised. Half of them were convinced they had orchestrated the movement, from the rows of seats around our giant battle cage half- full of feathers. They would take anything on. But we knew. Somewhere behind our shrimp cocktails, beneath our anchovy wafers, over the steam rising off our bavarian sausages rolled in bacon blankets and impaled on wooden picks, we carried this honest truth. No, it did not sit well. The load was unbalanced all the time, spilling over like our martinis those days. Whatever days those were. No one would remember because everyone was invested in forgetting everything. The privilege the others were born under left the watchers, the witnesses, half of them for rent, there on the ledge.
Sunday, 7 December 2014
hidebehind
the hidebehind
yellow eyes
the size
of autumn leaves
waits behind
a single
tree
wiki reference:
'hidebehind'
yellow eyes
the size
of autumn leaves
autumn tree by k |
a single
tree
'hidebehind'
Thursday, 4 December 2014
Tuesday, 2 December 2014
atomically bombed
atomically bombed
Posted on October 21, 2014 by KatYa
Today i saw a man hold a cat in his arms, loving it like a child. Today i got so very tight in the chest that it hurt.An unfortunate dispute with a toxic young woman, whose touch like unconscious betrayal. Yet close to my years on this earth.
The warmth vibrating for almost hours, before the body, dehydrate. The cold-blooded toxicity poured freely into my vessel. I swear i tried to dam her! But unimpeded rhythms are to live by. And i need to know how you really feel.
And we could have been sisters.
And we could have been brothers.
Maybe, some day, we could have been lovers.
No use. All i could do was hold myself high and separate, in the end. For feeling all my feelings to the end. Even the most celebrated among us, shy away from great pain. I will be the conduit of all the worlds triumphs and tragedies.I will take it on and let it all go. I will be forced on my knees, to find some disparate peace.
We all earned our place on this pounded round earth. With our gods. We run around circles, figure eights. Atomically bombed.
And we could have been sisters.
And we could have been brothers.
Maybe, some day, we could have been lovers.
No use. All i could do was hold myself high and separate, in the end. For feeling all my feelings to the end. Even the most celebrated among us, shy away from great pain. I will be the conduit of all the worlds triumphs and tragedies.I will take it on and let it all go. I will be forced on my knees, to find some disparate peace.
We all earned our place on this pounded round earth. With our gods. We run around circles, figure eights. Atomically bombed.
Monday, 1 December 2014
candle light transmissions
Hollow me out
tonight
somewhere far from home
vanish from earth and memory
the dreadful sights
those nights
then set the waxy wick
afire in the cold. the dark
downtown
ancestral
blood shot eyes await
resurgence
there will be no tears
no cries... no wars of words locked up
in dreadful knots
who or
why
it matters not
they see us
they laugh
they cross
our path
the careless
misled and lost
love to draw
a misfit off
the path
peppered by salty
tongue
undefinable so
swims 'cross a murky
sky
tell me god and
goddess where
are we
where
am i
tonight
somewhere far from home
vanish from earth and memory
the dreadful sights
those nights
then set the waxy wick
afire in the cold. the dark
downtown
ancestral
blood shot eyes await
resurgence
there will be no tears
no cries... no wars of words locked up
in dreadful knots
who or
why
it matters not
they see us
they laugh
they cross
our path
the careless
misled and lost
love to draw
a misfit off
the path
peppered by salty
tongue
undefinable so
swims 'cross a murky
sky
tell me god and
goddess where
are we
where
am i
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