Journal # 02.21.15

Saturday. Listening to BBC news. The English accents cannot dampen the enthusiasm. Apparently the world is spinning on an axis. The axis is made of butterfly wings and licorice sticks, and needs to be placed under construction due to its "deteriorating core infrastructure". World leaders met at an undisclosed location, and, after taking a virtual tour to the center of the earth, agreed to impose tariffs on the world peoples, for the Global Axis Reconstruction Project, aka GARP. A Global propraganda effort is being confabulated for the benefit of all humankind. Animals and plants are thought to derive secondary and tertiary benefit by GARP, but a study would have to be launched to determine wherefore. Fundraising efforts for any study must be deemed essential and sanctioned by the overarching global congress, before bake sales may be held. Pancake raffles are prohibited. Baked goods must meet International Food & Drug Standards, with the exception of McDonald's apple pies. No one is worried about the roaches, except the roaches. The global marketing campaign will include photoshopped imagery of the earth, coming off its axis at a near-future determined date, to incite fear in all peoples toward opening of wallets and purses to save their own souls. This has been determined by the United Nations to be a "healthy global fear" and thus worth capitalization. The U.S. Department of Transportation, which has tasked the Federal Highway Administration for the maintenance of the Eisenhower Interstate System of Highways, and put hundreds of thousands of road construction workers' children through college, will be spearheading GARP, or the World According to GARP, and transposing its mission statement upon all the world's peoples. Thus, "to improve mobility on the nation's highways" shall be rewritten as "to improve mobility of the earth, upon its axis". It is not yet clear if the world's people will "buy in", but the antecedent studies conducted by the Global Church of < insert deity here > of human psychology are hopeful, as humans contain "vast and promising capacities for imagination".