reading backwards

i dont know why but i did grow up in the USA thinking that what was bad for me was good for me and went after it like a turkey hunter after thanksgiving dinner in a secret desire to die. i dont know why but i made it here. where we renounce all that and try to live for the living and its like reading backwards sometimes its so hard. i dont know what but whatever it is it doesnt matter much cause it comes and it goes. i dont know who but they usually love me or hate me and are equally essential if im gonna understand. i don't know when but if its not now i oughta not bother with it. i dont know where but feel safest at home. i dont know how this all happened but i did start over and starting from scratch is the hardest cause youve got nothing to back you and you pray someone will take you for your word though they must be a fool to do that. i dont know how but not without faith and not without help and knowing what happens (and its nothing nice) when you stop trying and dont give in just give up. its like reading backwards sometimes its so hard.