what's left of the bonds we once had are traces. friendships never die. even when we no longer speak we always have the shadow traces.
Saturday, 28 September 2019
color of mud
sorry we don't accept your currency here, it is awfully divisive. we might take bitcoin though insecure and often inflated. you can have anything you want -- guaranteed -- no shoes or shirt, feet and hands raw, the color of mud
journal. september 27th. 2019
Wednesday, 25 September 2019
autumn thank god
who knows what would have happened and it's autumn thank god the summer has broken and we held it together so well
far past when holding it together was cool
Tuesday, 24 September 2019
drowning of sorrows
I am grateful you take care and look out for one another. of course like you said I am the same spirit and soul never changed and I remember trying to tell you that but no one wanted to believe me. Not back then. But of course I had a drug problem so why would anyone believe me then. I'm just happy I had the courage to transition and find my new life. I'm glad you and I are able to have a friendship, we wont agree but still love one another. I'm proud of X for all his successes in life and keeping the family going into future generations. It can look different for anybody. For me it's not wealth or kids it's just who I am based on what I've been through. I have wisdom I am trying to pass down. I have a man in my life who loves me. Two cats and several books to my name. My success is not measured the same as yours, but I'm proud of you and Z and X, I will never have those victories but God wants it this way, God has brought me to a place where I can see and make a difference in other people's lives, where i can be home, after many years of selfish living and drowning of sorrows. K
Monday, 23 September 2019
kill it with truth
the ring has gone i lost it and did not know. then i worried about you and had anything happened. touch up auto paint covered my fingernails the pumice could not kill. and how had we died. you killed me with kindness and i. killed you with truth
Sunday, 22 September 2019
try the world out
Saturday, 21 September 2019
lonely
i once was so very
alone if i encountered you
and we went sideways
the moment would burn
for days
identity
anyone who thinks
it selfish to claim
your identity
must have not
once questioned
their own
a lack of curiosity
is sad and scared and
cannot be trusted
for who does not
wrestle with
self?
words
i string words together
not for nothing
that I can find myself
when i get lost
in the madness of
this world
self
our best work comes
when we are not conscious
when the passage of time
cannot be mapped
the best is so often
a surprise
Wednesday, 18 September 2019
journal sep18.19
when you work hard long enough you will discover a cadence a value in it nobody can ever deny
Tuesday, 17 September 2019
lazy summer fun
we plucked the worms from the earth and pinioned them on hooks on strings and cast them into the lake for the sunfish to strike and get hooked through the gills then fight and flight and make it worse and we reeled them in ona pole and plucked the fish from the waters and let them gasp for air while baking on the planks of the dock in the sun until dead then put them in a crayfish trap tied to a clete and threw it overboard for three days and nights and pulled it up full of crabs cannot get out then boiled a pot of water ona stove and threw all the crayfish in to boil red and cool and break the tails off suck the head, all in the name of lazy summer fun. we were kids. i won't be upset if i never go fishing again.
wish upon a screen
she gave me a soda
these were better days she
got her boyfriend out
by calling the cops when
he beat her up
let's sit ona brick and concrete slab drinkin sugar water outta green aluminum cans
who knows how long
this will last
back 2 back
i had my same old prayers and back to back they matched the breath
sunrise and
sunset
same old prayers and all the bullshit in between we must attend for such
is life
is life
is life
how did i get there
in the
niche the pocket of the
microcosm
like a planetary system
dependent upon
you
my sun
the least visible
most pressing
force
pretending we
are free
Saturday, 14 September 2019
systems and service
I live inside a certain closed system wherein one is not trusted, one is held accountable to high standards which are enforced relentlessly by teams chosen based on work ethic and other high quality merit marks, to oversee the delivery of services to the general public. Sometimes I question my decision to live there for it is not always a friendly place. What I love is how I am challenged and pushed to my limits, and not one day ever looks like the next. It is an exciting and dynamic environment, and because I have earned rank and respect over time, I do have freedoms and work is creative. I care for my team and am aligned with the mission.
Friday, 13 September 2019
untitled cell
the moon stared us
in the face put us in
our place
looking up from our
screens
finally
Tuesday, 10 September 2019
colorless
you got me disinterested by your tone of voice. seeing you i have a choice and paint the world around you cannot help but drop out without color not even close to an impression until the absence stands out clearly
Saturday, 7 September 2019
where was where is your world
you found a place where you clicked you could go and be known you could go and belong you could go and now you're aching to be there
to go there again
the lightning strikes the storm thunders so violently like it did back then you know you never left you are there it is here and its real
Thursday, 5 September 2019
soft fall
the grapefruit ice you drink upon the delta breeze with summer lost its spark. calm down. you need not rush the leaves turn and die and fall upon the crosswalk. time to sit and talk. all the cell phones gone and what a world it would be. what a world it once was and how we got along you fingered my blouse as i cried to think so soon you would be gone