am.pm dawn in america

nothing forced we
plot course let it take us
dawn in america. we were wrong we got right
my apartment an organic
living mess like the desk of a social worker on wednesday i
tried to take flight off the screen off the paper
now i'm grounded. stay still. chill
the time we got to spendin
you were the one. i couldn't care what they saw
the faded flags fly eyes
desert dry i could cry coffee
for all the sleep we lost
the sunrise. the 8th wonder
of the world

#katyamills

life before cars

i remember you years back. funny and loud
silence didn’t stand a chance

they expanded the freeway

now i cannot hear the birds
like they planned it

ten lanes now
the whole family out

bowling. an icy can of orange and two

tone shoes. big shiny ball ona slow roll

i got you in my head again. when you left

it was life before cars



#katyamills

thank these gods

these notifications surround us from
all sides chirping like new species of bird
fuk these ads between songs they
killin us. okay i
thank these gods for you sweet
heart keep your dreams alive on
sunday. covid 19 proliferates culture
gets canceled ok good or bad
we are young. a little hot
sometimes thats all

#katyamills

these dreams

feeling lost they
danced back into one
of a thousand worlds they
called home

lightning struck
through a dark web
portal

they drank champagne
with a twist on a staple of twitter
retweetables

now was time
to search themselves then
produce these
dreams


#katyamills

snapshot 25

the sky is asking the
water running i
discard my early morning jeans
step into the
peach skin of apartments
the weave of baskets the
morning sun the
life of the

day


#katyamills

june 25

capture my imagination
provoke it. feed it beans and
rice and release it into
what's left of
the wild


#katyamills

book giveaway

 
 

    Goodreads Book Giveaway
 

   

       
   

   

     

          Trouble '99
     
     

          by Katya Mills
     

     

         
            Giveaway ends June 28, 2020.
         
         
            See the giveaway details
            at Goodreads.
         
     
   
   

    Enter Giveaway

im.print

shooting the mouth off

another infraction rolled
up tight end over

end i gotta stop
anywhere
to think

sometimes by light or water

beneath the wind whipped
trees the city speeds the violent
dust up of paper flying about 

there
by the koi pond in some
anaerobic muck the
beta swallows the
alpha. all is well
again


#katyamills

white

i saw the law i
went outside. they searched me
they searched my car they
fined me cuffed me
locked me behind bars they
assaulted me made me feel stupid
ashamed hopeless and lost
consider me lucky they
never took my life

#katyamills

1985

a skinhead ina truck ahead of me flying
beyond the limits drifted left hit the median
at thirty degrees bounced off
fender crumpled

brakes burning i thought it was over
for all of us. dirt from the shoulder rising
to meet the windshields
giving us flak

then
like nothin happened
we picked up speed and drove on
heartbeat tapering down

the trajectory of my life is not dissimilar
almost totaled

like nothing happened i go on
body demands coffee day and night

approaching fifty like i'm
twenty-five. takin flak. sense of purpose
no different than it was
back in ‘85 

#katyamills

june 21

slept for ten hours and would have
more but for hydraulics screaming
under weight of recycling beyond
the back door. dissociated after my sugar crash i
zoned out on credit karma
to witness the inevitable separation
of self from hard-earned
cash

#katyamills

snapshot 26

life is always 

changing hard to
define

temperature climbing
freestyle rhyming
cultures dubbed like sound

no longer willing
to be reduced
to a wheeze

statues standing in
stone motion cold
freeze

getting up i get
down to strike keys
dissing the
eeze

2012

leading a protest against
emptiness i was
in need of SSRIs

held up by hairspray 

insides like jello
lookin sorry
played out

feelin neglected
relationships faded i
could not synch the
clocks i was checking
all the locks

i found my
own way out by god

that's life 

#katyamills
remix 2012

un.locked

we were group thinking
rising in numbers 

exponential on the
streets

then i saw you

detached. by the stairs. head
down shoe laces free
style blowing out
in some other
world

you lifted your eyes you
searched you extracted my heart
by a keyword

i would give up my cause
for you. unlock me
from the masses! the
pain is almost
gone

#katyamills

knock down drag

you were workin several shifts
holding it down. i was lifted hopin
this could hold up. you were
switchin gears then i tried
you and we had a knock down
drag out. the dogs left howling
in the yard. a playful sun hid
behind a cloud. then set the
sky on fire. i. you.
we all come down

#katyamills

emo.z

yesterday i got lost
on gen z emo
rap and cried about the lean
the purple the blue
they turned
before their time
came due

thank god
the music lives
on

twenty.twenty

life is sharp and ready
to cut

cat on my chest
flexes
pushing retracting
claws

life is soft and
dreamy ona
sunday morning

the newsprint wants
to murder
you

still
so much to do
not enough time

the screens blinding

i would be lying if
i said i was
fine


#katyamills

dream sequence

i am walking a bridge made of guitar
strings made of guts. over a gorge.
back in my hotel room there are lamps
in the bathtub. the place is ransacked and
i think it was me. sleep
i need sleep. no blankets no sheets just a
mattress on the ground. blood rushes
from a slit down my forearm. i am weak
no words to speak no tears upon my
cheek. nobody around. i pick up the old
phone wrap the cord around my arm
restless to remember your number. i call you.
the tone of each ring holds a promise.


#katyamills

honestly i

so i lost it
what can i say
knuckles bleeding
today

they ran up on me
the thoughts rushing
my mind i had to ice a mf
hit me from
behind

picked some flowers
for my momma on
my way home
depleted of color
looking for a sign
fixed on my cell
i cannot see
whats happening
to me

blue bells for
momma a monster
in my heart

don't wanna wash
this blood away

honestly
i lost it what
can i say


#katyamills

what was

the future arrived
yesterday
maybe a loved one
 or two
you and me because
we knew
what was


#katyamills

june 10

i see you on video you look so good
all airbrushed like that lemme give you
a virtual hug or a heart. will i see you
in real life and when? i filtered the audio so your
voice is crystal clear. calling from a stitch
in a switch. damn. the game
finally swallowed us.

#katyamills

wheels

sparrows dip
wings and turn about
the gold fields

tent city at north
gate and sixteenth god
am i lucky

ridin wheels
over the american
river

exchangin words
at the fountain
gettin wet

thank you

spinnin hot
spokes shinin
in the sunlight

close to my
heart

june 8

the antidote to fear is and will always be courage

sacramento city

world without words

you will never add up
admonished the numbers

the letters formed into soft
words oh. ok. sorry and if you
say so

you must be calculating
to help us. precise.
do we have to spell
it out?

the letters went silent. they drafted
a non compete clause but the
numbers they just multiplied out
toward infinity

the letters they felt
useless. abandoned

then a question arose
how will we communicate
without us?

the numbers stopped
at a loss for
words

#hk

hong kong. never too far
from my thoughts

all the action in my country
where i am caught. and you
my sister. so far, far away i write this letter
if only to say

we love you
we will not let them bring you down
may we laugh and hold hands may we
fight this together

always be free in our
hearts

out.let

the water comes to a boil
i measure out some grains
juan valdez to wake me up
coffee black on a full moon


friday. everyone lookin 4 an outlet
i got mine behind these
keys



#katyamills

june 3

june. thunderstorms broken sleep
boarded up businesses and the national
guard scattered like buckshot all across town
the mindless dumb they thumbing their nose
pulling on straps full face smiling don't
care. under the window some
junky gone pale fishin for a vein
eyes fall back sunk in that old melody
shook up waiting for
the beat


#katyamills

cold city

sun touches the earth
the line becomes more
and more defined

a firmness in your belly
metallic taste on your tongue

little moons
running wide orbits 
circling you

the sun cool the ice
burning hot

the kids
sweeping up
after you

not everyone's gonna be
what the world wants
you to be

wiping the palms
off the glass you
wait for night
to forget


#katyamills

livestream

we livestream through the
heat waves never touching we
walk the blocks like bandits

wearing masks wondering
what happened to the world we
once knew



#katyamills

hope ina hopeless time

back to the liquor store

for another scratcher you
poured a cup of coffee at the gas
station walked out
of town on the train
tracks you recited in your head
the smile the cashier gave you
the balanced smile


all the hope you
ever had ina hopeless
time



#katyamills