#katyamills
when the days
equalled in length the nights
i refused to separate my colors
from whites
society cast me out
a throwaway
left to my lonesome
and bleed
elements both dark
and light
i had all i need
against a ripple of disdain
i broadcast proudly
in sunshine
and rain
#katyamills
that night she knew he wanted to make love to her in the car in the rain
for her just knowing she was wanted she was loved was
more than making love could ever give
#katyamills
she was worrying about whether or not he would make a good father especially given that it wasn't his son. she thought he was the right type because he talked well like someone who was educated and he was. he had a degree. he could get all kinds of jobs and make them all kinds of money so she wouldn't have to bend over backward sewing buttons on thrift store clothes before walking the kid to school. yes, she thought, he could become a classic sorta breadwinner if it weren't for that other thing in the way right now. but they was young, he was young and still needed some encouragement in the right direction. she could provide it but she hadn't and she better start soon. but it was hard because when he got home from work he was usually pretty keyed up and wanted to relax. and she had the prescription pills and felt bad or like she wanted to help and gave him one he washed down with a beer to relax. what harm? it's not like one turned into two or two into three. not with him. maybe her. god she was pregnant and if the daddy was who she thought it was, he was no good. she didn't even want to know because his knowing might mean he might want to get involved in all the wrong ways. file for custody just because he hated her guts and didn't want her happy? with child. no. she didn't want to know. best thing for her. best thing for the baby. move on and get with a good kind of guy who could really be supportive and fuck the rest. if she couldn't find one of those, i mean, if he wasn't the one either, then hell, she could just raise the kid herself. plenty of women did it. even her friend Donna. she was exhausted with rings under her eyes by now, looking like she aged ten years, but still she was doing it. i guess you gotta let go of yourself, your pride, your vanity, and just be the best mom. she knew she could do that. her modeling career never exactly took off and she hated the industry. all the scumbags who offered photoshoots then never paid what they promised they would. demanding the negatives and getting the run around, or worse, being called a bitch a thousand times for asking. fuck all that. she was gonna focus on being the best. #katyamills
in the eye of a hurricane
where all is eerily calm and tenuous
all the linens blown off the line
and nothin is the same as was
it is here gazing up at the impossible blue
of the impossible sky
one can dream
#katyamills
if i find myself captured by a mood
i think of your sister with you
mixing oils to capture the red
of her hair
in her bed softly resting
the tuberculin stare
wondering how god could
forsake us
#katyamills
this place got it all
there's nothing here
no technology
we come here stripped down
we can hardly take it
we don't wanna live
this place got it all
no longer charmed out of reality
we see things plainly
this place got it all
like running thirsty
toward a mirage
#katyamills
solitary
censored
the sun kept a great distance from everyone it influenced
to do its proper work
the moon
she wouldn't damage your retina
mark her with flags
claim her
you who are owned
by the sun
#katyamills
#katyamills
the sun was burning things
no one could stop it
the sun was trying to reach us
to touch us
the sun wanted to be known
to communicate
to be felt deeply
to be seen the sun was
just like us
just like us
#katyamills
i was overthinking again
ideas spillin out my head like a fountain
makin some rainbow mist
a little kid appeared on the sidewalk
started collecting the residue
grasping it weighing it
galloping away on it like some strange
new toy
#katyamills
in his hats and boots and
watch with chain at 5:24
not a minute more he
turned decisively to his work
so not to die
of broken heart pain
forever seeing her vanish
in the rain
#katyamills
they push the cannons out
the royal arms. the faces
rushing past an endless queue
farewell the queen farewell
blush streaked with tears
children tugging to go home
starving and sleepless
all along high fences
with spears
#katyamills
they could not speak
they wanted to be alone
they got the lit end of it
issued through the tissue
and it hurt but the pain
was good for it equalled
how they felt inside
this is the beginning
they told themselves
all i need is the truth
i can manage the rest
#katyamills
in need of nutrients
having embarked cold and thirsty upon the land
with a curious beating heart she
dislodged her diary and misted its pages
with secret emotions sketching
rough thoughts and plans
then. full of rebellion
dashed them
#katyamills
in a home near to falling
into the sea
living on oysters and powdered foods
the unwanted wanted
to be wanted
when the sea
finally took them out
they got their
wish
#katyamills
#katyamills
#katyamills
the strings the smoke the horns
she was kissing him all along the face
the many many foamy glasses
raindrops striking the storefront
windows ...
the first days of fall
the lips would remember it all
#katyamills
they turned the stereo off
stepped into the internal world with its rhythms
befriended the voices and made pacts
with adversaries
#katyamills
they would not chase
all those beautiful dangerous thoughts
into the corral
some say they lacked
managerial grit
but it was something else
they loved to watch the damn things
run free
#katyamills
walking away
broken bottles in the lot
hearts a little heavy
i know this place wasn't nothing
without you
the dreams we conjured
when we doubled down
and won
oh to get away from the world
dying together
when the pill dropped
on red
i would happily die
a thousand times
by your side
#katyamills
the ends of our sentences
anchored with question marks
the cat raiding the panty drawer
the plant trembles above the root
every time the two of us together
after the hundred days of
dispute
#katyamills
they ask me how
i write. i may i might
tell them. or not
i establish rules then
in light of the risen sun
they lie broken
at my blood red
toenails
#katyamills
hunted on the hills
san francisco
hunted under the el tracks
lake street. chicago
hunted by the exes
by childhood
living in the shadows
of my memories
god gave me the spirit
i could not summon
on my own
to withstand
anything
#katyamills
they awoke to the shaking weight
of a bakery truck driving by
they awoke and knew not how they got there
they awoke to the sun and a heavy fog behind the eyes
an aroma of fresh baguettes
the underbelly of a palm tree
#katyamills
on the margins of a world whose
messaging often implores me
to believe i have no place here
i live in affirmations like you're okay
you haven't done anything you have
the right to exist!
#katyamills
you know a life was lived
when you cannot say
the book was better than
the real thing
#katyamills
Ukraine being bombed to hell
China painting Hong Kong red
no one in the world can stop it
now the queen is dead
#katyamills