#katyamills
Sunday, 31 December 2023
tea nye green
Saturday, 30 December 2023
depravity?
Friday, 29 December 2023
stride.nt
strident you wanted me to know how it was to live through the hardest times. i wanted to listen i want to know but can you slow down please you are scaring the cats
#katyamills
Thursday, 28 December 2023
the green bridge
Wednesday, 27 December 2023
December. Central Valley, California
December. Central Valley, California. I have a need that defies reason that beckons like these fields we cross at eighty miles an hour in the afternoon, dug into channels of upturned soil, the rows of planted seeds as far as the eye sees, to get lost and make meaning in these worlds of words. #katyamills
Tuesday, 26 December 2023
23,000 steps
we are inside a pyramid, light show on the wall. a solo horn feels its way into our hearts. the kids all look spaced. we are in our hotel room on the 15th floor and i slide the curtains open. sky meets mountain in a ragged line becoming more defined. pulled up to perpendiculars by the various hotels. the Westin, MGM Grand, the Hilton, the Platinum. our time here is ending after 23,000 steps. what will 2024 be like? i promise to be the same. someone who you can rely on. #katyamills
Monday, 25 December 2023
you can!
to all creators out there. the word cannot exits the vocabulary today. no one else knows the world the way you do. get into your work. go deep. heart and soul. blood sweat and tears. then when your intuition tells you it's ready, publish it. you can! #katyamills
Sunday, 24 December 2023
Vegas = love
a planet hit the ground just off the Strip this morning and still spinning. we are gambling within moderation and - go figure - not winning. made a friend from Miami who swears they won't go back to Florida. i get it. kids in euphoria circle the tired parents. we wait for the shift change outside the AMPM at the cross of Flamingo and Formula 1. need coffee making love and the sun. a woman from Indiana with her daughter celebrating turning twenty-one. #katyamills
mishmash mishmash
open country Nevada
sunrise to sunset yesterday just driving with you by my side
can we sort the static the convoluted mishmash?
get back to simplicity of deserts
mountain ranges and sweet old songs
rolling off our happy tongues
#katyamills
Friday, 22 December 2023
hither.to.the.mountains
Thursday, 21 December 2023
taste.less
the kitsch flaunting of pride coupled with power, privilege and lies, hit the wall when constitutional law, unassailable, invoked the fourteenth amendment. #katyamills
Wednesday, 20 December 2023
no.18
in those years
we fought in earnest
for right and wrong
we hated to think
the one we loved
could betray us
it was not them it was
our thoughts
#katyamills
tanta.mount
you can be writing a story that will resound with millions some day yet be completely alone in the telling. the two may be tantamount. coexisting.
#katyamills
Tuesday, 19 December 2023
no.17
Sunday, 17 December 2023
un.loved
celebrate!
Saturday, 16 December 2023
no.16
a hollow
made in snow
2 hold the heavy hearts
icicles drip and fall
the memories like
darts
in the badness of these times
let us be some light
if you live right you
may you might
yet
#katyamills
Friday, 15 December 2023
Thursday, 14 December 2023
singularity
if when you speak your truth
everyone looks up surprised or even shocked
don't worry
singularity of thought
often has this effect
#katyamills
Tuesday, 12 December 2023
no.11
blasted from all sides
it angles into my peace of mind i
am dead by
tech mixed with attention
deficit disorder
the fuse box is the source
i shut it down and with supreme hyper
focus. clairvoyant
i see again
#katyamills
no.12
i was walkin yesterday
bad memory broke me down
dead leaves piled up around the pond
bad thoughts bad energy
the geese maneuvered wings so
molecules of water in the air
caught by the light
helped me forget it
helped me get right
#katyamills
Monday, 11 December 2023
no.9
you had a heart
they had the means to break it
having created you and
will it ever mend?
upon dying my dear i swear
the spirit volant
ascends
#katyamills
Friday, 8 December 2023
reflections in a cast iron skillet
a fight
out of the past
blurry memory
sparkling delight
reflections in an iron skillet
the gravest face
hungry and tired
cast and seasoned
to last
#katyamills
hey you with the dizzy aspirations
hey in the shadows
you the one torn in denim jeans
made of meds and recitations
galvanized by ultraviolet scenes
dodgy streets and stairwell
leans. hey you
with the dizzy aspirations i
love you
#katyamills
silica on asphalt
the vernacular of a friday night
in the city punctuated by tires
sketching patterns on asphalt
carbon black and silica
synthetics form symbols
of collective youth rebellion
in the haze of drift
Sunday, 3 December 2023
excerpt dec 4 from memoirs
"You would be a fool to unblock if you knew you were facing annihilation."
excerpt december third from memoirs
"But let me tell of the best times for to leave them out would be like painting watercolors in the garden in the rain." #katyamills
Saturday, 2 December 2023
book review
Review of Ame and The Tangy Energetic by Katya Mills
Reviewed by Kelly Marie Purdy
"Like the last book that I read by this author, this felt like a pretty intense read, but I liked it. I liked the fact that I had the perspective of both the protagonists, and I felt as though I got to know each character quite well, during the time I was reading.
For me, something about the narration felt intimate, as though I was reading someone's diary, or having a deep conversation with a friend. I think the author writes in a way that makes the reader feel connected to the characters, and aware of their emotions and experiences. While I was reading, I cared about these characters and their story."
Link to the review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6018445999#_=_
Friday, 1 December 2023
violet
violet was a color
a flower
a name
in the forest we
settled into camp
she lived in the
flame
book review
Goodreads review of Girl Without Borders by Katya Mills.
Reviewed on Dec 1st, 2023 by Kelly Marie Purdy... https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6015720556
This felt like a pretty intense read. I felt the author wrote in a way that was very to the point, very raw, without sugarcoating anything. I think that made me feel more aware of the characters' emotions and experiences, and I did feel connected to them. Something that I noticed was the fact that I felt quite sorry for these characters. The whole time I was reading about them, I felt as though I never fully understood them, or why they behaved the way they did, and that impacted me a little bit psychologically. I did like reading this though, it definitely had my attention after a few pages, and I became invested in it.
Thursday, 30 November 2023
working memory does not work
my working memory does not work very well but i will remember you all my life
#katyamills
Wednesday, 29 November 2023
type it!
most cats are more genuine than most dogs. i know. its a controversial thing to say. my cats made me type it.
#katyamills
Tuesday, 28 November 2023
hifi notifyyy
the best notification systems come from instinct you cannot buy them on amazon
#katyamills
escargot
a steady hand
wandering mind
moods break and make
a row
you get it down
in columns
even if it's slow
escargot
Monday, 27 November 2023
Sunday, 26 November 2023
Saturday, 25 November 2023
down with black and white thinking
the way they broad brush the poor the trans the mentally ill the emotional dysregs the fluids the spectrums the racial minorities in antisocial media circles is not helpful. down with black and white thinking! #katyamills
desperate
drama 2
care 2
sky keeps the secret
Friday, 24 November 2023
lavender
novelist
if you have no way of getting out of your head you are a goner
you can make it as a novelist
#katyamills
no.4
she was very little. she was a boy. it was her first hockey team. the ice was smooth at the start of practice and rough at the end. it always was. her dad one of the coaches. they had learned enough about teamwork to be ready for their first ever game. stepping out of the rink the skates hit the rubber mats and they walked to the dressing rooms. her heartbeat doubled maybe tripled. they had pinned all the jerseys on the wall. she ran up to get hers. a big W on the front to represent the town they lived in. embroidered hunter green and yellow gold on white. the colors. on the back her last name was stitched in capital letters above her favorite number. in her very first game she scored the team's very first goal with a wrist shot past the goaltender and into the net. she made her family proud. everyone could see it was number 4. she raised her arms over her head and her teammates skated up and into her arms. #katyamills
Thursday, 23 November 2023
Wednesday, 22 November 2023
over.looked
in today's world it's easy to overlook what's going on inside you. do this but at your own risk.
#katyamills
k memoir exxxcerpt
When we fight I can go from zero to one hundred and all the memories of all the fights I have ever been in, come back. This time I was flashing back on Kali and how terribly we fought when we were under some influence. She would come at me with a fist and I would be shocked and try to duck and sometimes she would catch me on the jawline or jab her knuckles into my shoulder and I have to confess it felt good being hit, I wanted to be, it brought me into my body and out of my head where all the bad thoughts were torturing me in those days. We were lovers in these strange phases of wanting to kill each other. It would last for hours maybe days or until one of us acquiesced. and we made a shaky peace because it was too exhausting to keep on fighting and we lived together. Then we could lie our bodies down and watch mindless tv and drink and wonder if we could ever hold one another and feel loved the way we had before, after all the blistering hatefulness. This was twenty ten and I was thirty-seven and Kali, who I thought at the time was my forever, who I wanted to be and burdened with the responsibility of being my forever, was almost forty. We took selfies of ourselves and printed them out on colored paper after photoshopping them and tacked them to the wall of the room where we were staying. We walked down the paths hidden beneath trees down the hill to Grand Avenue and the last Blockbuster in the world, holding hands, to rent obscure movies. I preferred horror and she preferred crime, and the genres seemed to bleed off the screen and into our life together. We didn’t fuck enough, in her opinion, and she held it against me. And the more she held it against me, the less I wanted to. #katyamills
Tuesday, 21 November 2023
Monday, 20 November 2023
pact with the subconscious?
the subconscious made a sycophant
#katyamills
scratch
a rainy night. waiting for you at the train station in the shadow of a high rise. we have a couple years to catch up on my dear sister. to get started i will make you coffee. from scratch. #katyamills
Thursday, 16 November 2023
pressure made the river
callous looks in the subways
charitable smiles to pure disgust
the reactions had a range
pressure made a river
what it was. it never started pretty
they cut through settled lands
fomenting division
still. they reverberated inside
no longer pretending no longer wondering
what could have been
#katyamills
Sunday, 12 November 2023
shadow of exxxpectations
mop radio
the gallon jug of Arizona got away from me
took a bounce off the sensor
came apart on the floor
the blue vests gather around staring at the puddle
someone radio the cleanup crew
another broken heart
#katyamills
BBC and Vitamin C
Saturday, 4 November 2023
fish E
I love my fish! she said. tranquil. could they love me too? eyes look opposite directions. i cannot tell. who said love needs eyes? #katyamills
nov.ember
november arrived
the wars multiplying like cell phone towers and fear
the only one who might help was
any of the gods
the line was corrupt or unattended
the pantheon hallucinating
#katyamills
Friday, 3 November 2023
i was not well until i was
mango lassi
Tuesday, 31 October 2023
hurt with
Monday, 30 October 2023
my talisman
Sunday, 29 October 2023
sugar spike
Saturday, 28 October 2023
have a (violent) cry
Friday, 27 October 2023
(fuck)
I preferred horror and she preferred crime, and the genres seemed to bleed off the screen and into our life together. We didn’t fuck enough, in her opinion. And the more she held it against me the less I wanted to (fuck). #katyamills
Thursday, 26 October 2023
criticism
wouldn't do much good if you didn't believe in yourself. showcasing your work in the public forum was a gauntlet every artist had to run.
#katyamills
fall back
played time
one Sunday morning in November
slapped the thief back
hand of the clock
sixty more minutes to
fall back to
write the finest
verse
#katyamills
odyssey
the valerate was not numerically stable in the blood. the doctors fumbled for a baseline while they prepared themselves for the odyssey. they wondered what the wars would look like six months out and would they still be around? it gave them the kick the urgency they needed #katyamills
time a thief entwined with memory
remember January? you asked. like yesterday. how we tipped the new year with a bottle of red and fell asleep hopeful. time was a thief entwined with memory clawing like ivy into mortar for dear life. the cats pawed at the blinds. silence a dangerous thing and we avoided it for hours. #katyamills
isolate
she was trending toward isolate. call it an acceptance of death. at which time anyone would be involuntary reunited with all ... and that's beyond #katyamills
fuck cancer
he was anxious waiting for the bus. he already missed one treatment and shouldn't miss another. he promised his kids. the toll it takes on your constitution. it scared him. he put his elbows on his knees and stared at the print on his chest. fuck cancer.
#katyamills
hard sell
#katyamills
Saturday, 21 October 2023
no rules
for the last time they told her
these are the rules. if you don't like them you can leave
her first move was to get the tattoo
with her best friend
then they mapped out a plausible
month long wave for her
surfing couches
#katyamills
Friday, 20 October 2023
burdens & beauty
inside the core of the moon
Monday, 16 October 2023
billionaire recycling
we found the one open on Sundays. you laughed when I told you the name. it helps you stay humble doing things you could easily outsource. glass plastic and tin to the Billionaire Recycling. Don't know if they got rich I'm still a paycheck from broke #katyamills
the weekend
the night was a twisted thing. the geese flying in formation came to claim the great pond. friendship on the rocks. weather could not make up it's mind. flash flooding. they opened the locks. dreams tried to kill me in my sleep. #katyamills
Saturday, 14 October 2023
presence avoidance and condemnation
do not condemn yourself
even the most celebrated among us
wild vast indifference
indifference
#katyamills
Wednesday, 11 October 2023
standby
would could
dreamer
Sunday, 8 October 2023
October 20
voices from war torn regions rise like fire
anytime a true leader speaks
the flame becomes a candle
#katyamills
Saturday, 7 October 2023
half of ten
Vitamin K
@Katya444ever
I was half of ten. Though the clock said midnight it was #dusk and my brother was gone. I hastened to the window where I saw three moons and no sun and life would never be the same. #katyamills
Friday, 6 October 2023
butchering classics
when the world is at war and there seems no end in sight, only escalation, i find myself singing more and more. if a missile ever strikes my neighborhood i will scream and run like anyone. later, if i'm still alive, i will sing all the harder, butchering classics.
#katyamills
north of the cross
october was sullen
the trees bare
the cider hard
like your stare
i will not be deterred
i do not scare
one mile north of the cross
at midnight
if you dare
#katyamills
Tuesday, 3 October 2023
hard won
like you I have been hurt
one too many times
god bear witness to surviving the self and other harms done
chin up. until death come we both know
it will be hard won
#katyamills
contradict
im having trouble with life I
don't even know why
the trees are very still the world like a painting the light infiltrates
the wings of birds
its too early to feel troubled
now waking and speaking
i rise up with you
in contradiction
#katyamills
Monday, 2 October 2023
the Japanese restaurant
the warmth the cheer
of the Japanese restaurant
receded. the night swallowing us
multi-colored mochi melting
in our bellies
#katyamills
Saturday, 30 September 2023
change and do not
the moon
made by the sun
into a glowing scythe
two blade ends harvest
the stars
we must now locate ourselves
from within
please
no matter what may happen
do not change
#katyamills
Friday, 29 September 2023
analogue
under a formidable skyscraper
the trains clack along in their tracks
dripping sparks to the street
a young man in low heel boots and brown denim
semi-smile on the lips
you want me like i want the sun and sky
drinking off the pot of burnt black
we are analogue
#katyamills
Thursday, 28 September 2023
what year is it?
aeon
the truth. so easy and hard to tell. sometimes it appears instantaneously. or must be laboriously mined. the truth. hidden from our hearts for an aeon
#katyamills
Tuesday, 26 September 2023
radio music and the neuroplastic explosion
she would find herself involuntary humming. if only there was a sigil or neuroplastic explosive to pinpoint the spot on her brain where overplayed one hit wonders derived #katyamills
Monday, 25 September 2023
compass
they settled into the living idea
turning inward for direction
a recovery from this incessant
longing for belonging
#katyamills
Sunday, 24 September 2023
happy ass
seeing you happy I could not so much detest you for all the things you did that made me unhappy like buying another gas guzzler when you already had three. seeing you happy
#katyamills
not a color. a hue
October 3
Friday, 22 September 2023
stitched
i stitched together a so so morning after a night turning with visions and scratched up onerous sleep. i cannot count my blessings. innumerable are they. the counting itself helped me go down and get up nevertheless!
#katyamills
endless thought
this won't be linear
it won't be pretty it won't go your way
you will encounter hopelessness and death
battle endless thoughts
try to love it for what it is
and be kind to yourself
first
#katyamills
Tuesday, 19 September 2023
all u have
"you are two people again stumbling through life and pissing each other off. but it’s not so bad and you get through it and let it go. snuggling. because you are all you have". #katyamills
Monday, 18 September 2023
how to begin
no plus one
and when you feel it surging, alternating currents, rising and falling, nothing compares. true love. a cellular party. two invites. no plus ones. #katyamills
Saturday, 16 September 2023
the camel
I am the asana
holding my heels
listening to Boards of Canada backwards arching
diverting all thoughts
from the chasm
#katyamills
Friday, 15 September 2023
cuts in the fabric
the black jeans broke apart again at the knees. while stitching them back together all the memories from the past ten years the details of which were in the scuffs and nicks and paint stains and cuts in the fabric set off images and the feelings intricate as hell
#katyamills
on cycling
immediacy
you twisted the storyline. it was a lesbian memoir from the year 2000. must you? I got turned off by this thing that turned you on. Imagining me with other men and women. We were at quite an impasse. a little hopeless. I looked you in the eyes. we both started laughing.
#katyamills
more than less than
she spoke up for herself
and told them off
her gemini twin came out swinging
she knew she was more than
less than
in the past she did not defend herself
and less than became miniscule
they would not come out of pocket
again
#katyamills
Wednesday, 13 September 2023
power.less
she had a title she commanded a bit of respect and it was all a bit of a facade but what can you do? in the context of power you travel farther from the thing you hoped for. she was left feeling a modicum unloved #katyamills
the west
they wanted out but there was no escape. they had chosen this. they had gone to school for this. they had gone into debt for this. they had traded out of a life of dim prospects and odd jobs for this. this was the West and no matter your colors capitalism would make you pay. #katyamills
F 150
your blood is black
drinking water like gasoline
you can get me through the rocky places
you cost too much to have
when not working
you are idle and no good for nothing
i love you
#katyamills
Sunday, 10 September 2023
the lesser known
The sky turned red from blue
we saw the sun and knew
sanity had flown
#katyamills
Saturday, 9 September 2023
nine nine
Thursday, 7 September 2023
down in it
summer is ending. the farmers harvest the grapes. the hawk wings tipped to the side observes the changes from above. i am down in it. in the city they live in tents on the avenues with blue-nosed pits to protect them. a simple walk on a cool fall morning is my high.
#katyamills
sunrise 1
her face the sun had not touched for many weeks. she worked at night and industry never sleeps. the early sun caught her near the horizon pulling laundry off the line before the rains. she let the sheet fall to her chest. closed her eyes and felt it. #katyamills
Monday, 4 September 2023
life hack @ 24
if she cared any more it would kill her. and it saved her. stopping. it was a life hack @ age 24. the whole pain and suffering caring caused her was sent off into the night like a wolf. for a while she lived on nothing to lose mentality
#katyamills
Sunday, 3 September 2023
Super Taco
I met some good folks at a memorial yesterday at a Super Taco in South Sacramento. The two daughters one of whom seemed to be like a black sheep and left out. The best friend of the daughter, Sandy, who kept an upbeat energy the whole time. The oldest grandkid who planned on becoming a pharmacy tech like his mom, and told everyone to be happy today because that's what his grandmother would want. Then there was one with the world weary eyes. A founding member of the Deftones. Dominic. He said he teaches music at Skip's music and they were relocating the store to Madison Ave and we should stop by. Tosh lost his sax to a house fire so I know he would want to go. it was a not so blazing end of summer day thank god, even clouds in the sky which is rare for September. we were out on a wide patio for hours with little cover. Tosh and I brought some orchids we picked out for the family of the deceased. she was the sister of Tosh's sister-in-law and the big C had claimed another one. I never met her but her daughters and grandchildren were full of the kind of emotion that meant they were so deeply loved and cared for by her. we all ate together and talked. young kids running around the caterers. when the mic got passed around toward the end it was hard and I found myself crying for someone I never even met. especially for the little boy, her closest grandson. he couldn't keep it together and neither could I but he stood up there like a little champion under his dad and mom and spoke. Tosh's nephew Mike, a big man with a big heart, said a few words because his mother could not. He recalled how Vickey used to measure his height against a bush in the yard and they all got a kick out of that. I gave the big man a big hug when I saw him after. He told me there aren't any good people anymore. His voice breaking up. I don't really agree with that at all. But the way he said it, something behind the words was true, and that's what I agreed with. #katyamills
Friday, 1 September 2023
all love
you were sunk in the couch trying to escape the world. i couldn't light a fire under your ass so i lit the three wick candle. the cats were positioned one on top of the other grabbing neck by the teeth and simulating sex. cut it out. you're brothers for godsake not to mention fixed. I rambled on senselessly in the dark. You have a love and hate relationship with coffee! you shouted. I had to stop and think. No. That's not right. It's all love. #katyamills
like happy
like anything good it won't be handed to you. I fancied myself Amelia Earhart. jumpsuit. cropped hair. purposeful half smile. I did not sleep well but who cares? leaned into the props to get them spinning. it's up there. above the cloud cover. go for it! #katyamills
Thursday, 31 August 2023
August 31st (9 years)
nine years. today's our anniversary and after work it's haircuts and dinner. Chevy's on the river. no big deal just to be together. no one else can so we fit the fragments what our combined memory remembers. no one else can. they don't sell this puzzle at hobby lobby but if they did we would make a hot item for sure. a top seller. what i love about you is how you can turn a trip to walmart into a show. someone's jaw drops and i walk out smiling. #katyamills
Wednesday, 30 August 2023
romance
you deserved more than romance more than some worn out saying so we gave you a rubber knife fake blood torn stockings lace up boots a hideous face and called it love. You gave us all the candy you had and asked us please. go away #katyamills
Tuesday, 29 August 2023
essential color blue
under sky blue
they irrigated the fields
green the corn and tomatoes grew
the trucks piled high crawled out on the highway
the day was done
they went home and drank and danced
slow with their wives and the kids
quietly laughing got up
and slow danced essentially
too
#katyamills
Monday, 28 August 2023
blood
The first draft had to be almost effortless or else you would get caught up in editing too soon and lose the story. The final copy would have to come off as almost effortless. The difference between the first draft and the final copy was blood sweat and tears. Okay, blood is an exaggeration. Usually. #katyamills
Saturday, 26 August 2023
dear enemy
thank you
for without you
playing with my emotions
taunting me with unapologetic sarcasm and cruelty
i might not have broken free
from the impenetrable
chrysalis
#katyamills
Friday, 25 August 2023
smoke break
checkout girl
you fold my dress you turn
a phrase
unearth a deeper calm
behind a morose
gaze
#katyamills
Wednesday, 23 August 2023
strike!
#katyamills
Tuesday, 22 August 2023
fact #22
the meds. without them survival was unlikely. instead of going to work to make money to buy food they would stay at home immobile and brood
#katyamills
weather pattern #2
inspiration arrives
with hurricane
beleaguered by insecurity
churning morning
moods
#katyamills
Sunday, 20 August 2023
dead!
got into a fight over nothing
we yelled it out scathing and then it was gone
i watched your eyes blink in slow succession like subway car doors when they're jammed
wanna go for coffee? you asked
that make up smile
i'm dead
#katyamills
Friday, 18 August 2023
beater
I am like a car that's been beat to shit and still runs. my upholstery pulling apart. glasses cracked. my engine speaking out its gruff noise. with a world-weary look my paint is faded and i settle remarkably into the scenery. the untold miles visible in my lines of cracked leather. I am small and passed by on the highway by fresh and sparkling machines who know little of life and what it's made of. I push on through any inclement anything, wind, rain, snow. It won't be pretty but we will get you where you need to go. #katyamills
sour blueberry
to live with those who cannot in mind and heart, not needing some soundtrack behind you. to not give credence to all the random thoughts popping off. like blueberries on the bush some are sour. you don't have to care for them.
#katyamills
Thursday, 17 August 2023
like space like opera
i am yelling
you are pacing you are tight
i see you in an hour's time
they mean nothing
they mean nothing
buried in the ground
not to cry
you are history
you are gone
i am deep in the past
wanting to forget
you are reading
i am writing we are
dreamy we are
one
Tuesday, 15 August 2023
am stillness
Sunday, 13 August 2023
live and dream
life will tell you straight up
I am what I am
so direct and yet we go on dreaming up something different
like true love and world fucking peace
in my many years i discovered
you can live in reality
and dream
#katyamills
Bernal Heights
we descended from Twin Peaks
to sun touched warmth on Cortland Avenue
i waited for you by the liquor store
on a steep deep hill in headphones
sketching an armada of
clouds
#katyamills
Green Apple
San Francisco
foraging for books with my best friend
and boba
they do not barter with local authors so
i paid cash for Terminal Boredom by Suzuki
left a signed copy of my latest on a bus stop bench
Clement Street
#katyamills
Thursday, 10 August 2023
bad bxs
wanting witnesses
she splashed the manhattan
into his face
#katyamills
Wednesday, 9 August 2023
mos.quit.o
mosquito
got so dizzy off my blood crazy flying circles thunderclap !Tuesday, 8 August 2023
eight eight unitive
no longer themselves
condition quite grave
they held it together
until something gave
turned from a particle
into a wave
#katyamills
Monday, 7 August 2023
splash!
the emotional impact
came to being
on the comet tail of a spectacular
dream
splashed out corners of eyes
while foaming morning
teeth
#katyamills
Saturday, 5 August 2023
California
formless in her ex boyfriend's sweatshirt she walked to the end of this dreary American town. no one could tell how fast her heart was beating. formless before the heat of a dull summer day. how very long she had dreamt of this moment. this highway. California.
#katyamills
50% sweet
standing on a city street. all the chores done. mild bitterness. head full from books. surrounded by plastic. fifty percent sweet. dreaming.
#katyamills
Friday, 4 August 2023
eight 18
friday. the big feelings. cannot get around them. the thoughts walk silently into court. powerful strides. my body fills with tension. these tendons when plucked make fine music. I place a palm over my heart and breathe. hopefulness, seated there, uprises!
#katyamills
Thursday, 3 August 2023
hell and back
she had been to hell and back
worked with animals for several years trying to restore her credit and sanity
there were tons of new friends to make over mocha
in her heart lived the ones she loved the most
the ones in hell
#katyamills
fight for it!
Tuesday, 1 August 2023
take it or leave it
like the super moon
we cannot be dissuaded we
give ourselves to the world
as we are
#katyamills
Monday, 31 July 2023
stragglers
the family rules. she broke the ones predicated on that's just the way it is and always been. long after she left home she found the stragglers and scraped them off like barnacles.
#katyamills
envy and foreboding
foreboding the crack of beer he opened home from work
she thought up the colorful ways
she might get out of the building
she stared at blondie through the open window
her heart full of envy
all night on the fire escape swishing tail
unaccosted
#katyamills
Sunday, 30 July 2023
hubba bubba
i let the machine choose our quick picks. hubbabubba. you asked me if i could make change for a fifty. no but there's like thirty cashiers here can you ask one of them? okay hubbabubba. i only realize this is my nickname when a woman who has overheard our exchange asks. is that what he calls you? oh. ya probably. he comes up with a new one almost every day. that's adorable. while i would love to win the mega millions, life is not likely to get any better than it already is. #katyamills
#katyamills
Saturday, 29 July 2023
fatal moment #12
imbue the heart with dreamy goodness
#katyamills
Friday, 28 July 2023
love at the AMPM
Rockstar set them up against an iridescent sun. they flew through yellow light for poke. makame and scallions in a base of sushi rice. black lady asked them where they party? they said those days behind me. she did not believe them at the AMPM.
#katyamills
Thursday, 27 July 2023
10 post
after the many many touches i bimble to the post. letting go this letter. from my heart to yours.
#katyamills
egolessness
had to die a hundred times
all within a single day
for what i thought had happened to me
was nothing
was okay
#katyamills
it's not what you think
the sun lasered the moon into a lemon wedge
what we thought
this day would be like
was nothing like
what it was
#katyamills
Sunday, 23 July 2023
ph.enom
wistfully I recall our chemical hearts
pumping at breakneck speeds
cooled by alcohol and valium
welcome to hell
did you make it out alive?
god only knows
i wish for you
this spacious transfer this
soundless rejuvenation of energy
this big love
#katyamills
Saturday, 22 July 2023
the ruins
#katyamills
Friday, 21 July 2023
social prefab
the social fabric, sewn with prefabrications, was moth eaten. the yarn ran easily off cat claws. we held on to the senseless hope it would withstand the fast approaching fall
#katyamills
Thursday, 20 July 2023
geometry of fields
he was trucking through farmland, california endless with it. she and a song she liked to carry on the mind. he would help her, too, for all the years. the ovuliferous inflorescences bursting forth in the geometry of fields. the ocean made the math lay down. #katyamills
2 august
what the world dubs a literary masterpiece was once dismissed as nonsense, panned by critics, denounced by haters and assholes
#katyamills
Tuesday, 18 July 2023
take a moment
this very moment
like you
like me
moves and wakes
recedes quakes and
sometimes boils over
this moment
like me like you
asking only to be held
tenderly then let
go
#katyamills
Monday, 17 July 2023
lovers?
an ambulance charged down the street ignoring traffic laws and warming up the atmosphere. a striking coat of red. we were like that once, full of sound and light. people stopped and stared. we were accidental. we were lovers and we were monsters, too
#katyamills
Sunday, 16 July 2023
Thursday, 13 July 2023
final trick
her life did come apart and it was a tale as old as time. she took on credit card debt and sometimes her checks bounced. they came and ripped her cable out and the car on lease was long since repossessed. she found it harder and harder to tough it out. she got by on canned goods at the save mart and public transportation to a minimum wage job. she wasn't going to ask anyone close to her for money when there was little hope in paying them back. second hand stores for clothes and government assistance for food. she had already moved several times and the rent was going up. she chose escorting to bring some stability to the equation. this worked for a while but she got discouraged by the scum of the earth. maybe one out of ten johns. the other nine were fine. the work paid well enough and she met them online so she had not yet been in trouble with the law. she had a guy she trusted to watch her back. she paid her debt and got a high def tv with all the movie channels. she shopped at Macys and bought a lightly used late model Ford. she signed up for classes to become a phlebotomist and got prescription glasses. she met a man who made her laugh and did not judge. she had close calls with cruel men and she got beat. the guy she hired for muscle caught one and payback. in tribute to her sister, the one who disappeared and never heard from again, she did a final trick and got out of the game. this super turnaround would not be covered by the nightly news. #katyamills
psychotherapy is at its best an art
Some of my patients want therapy to be a certain way. As a professional I want to be open and give you what you want. Therapy cannot be everything so misconceptions must be brought out and cleared away. Some want structure and psychoeducation. Others want it to be motivational, to free them from inaction. I see six to nine patients a day, and each one demands something from me, whether the demand is covert or overt, it is there. And that's a good challenge. I always try to ask the day I meet someone, how has therapy been for you in the past? what worked and what did not? What would you like it to be? I do like working with the ones who ask for a more freeform, conversational approach. Often the younger ones, Generation Z, like it this way. Psychotherapy is at its best an art. Each session becomes an adventure, an exploration. Curiosity makes it interesting. You don't always know where to begin and you may be surprised where we end up. #katyamills
Wednesday, 12 July 2023
low key damage
I have seen sunrises and lived by the llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll light
funny how we fall asleep listening to our favorite murders or keyed up watching World War Two battles in color. it's not a big deal, really, but every night? are you a true crime junky? shine a light on your actions. that could be low key damaging
#katyamills
July 11 2023
As a practicing psychotherapist, I notice my clients coming into therapy worn down from battling external world stressors and they do not yet have the approach or the skills (mindfulness) to see how the internal world (thoughts, feelings, sensations, impulses) is operating. Or they may be avoiding the interior (which often works against them). You can empower yourself by learning mindfulness which is in some part just directing your attention to your internal world and listening without judgment. You will find that your greater awareness can hold just about anything, and you can have a little distance from them by becoming a witness of your own experience. Try simply noticing, acknowledging and describing what's happening. What thoughts are arising? What feelings? What sensations or impulses are arising in relationship to those automatic feelings and thoughts? These feelings and thoughts inform one another and influence our behavior and our inaction, too. It helps to build a relationship with them. Dialogue with your fear, your anxiety, your sadness. Ask it what it wants from you at any particular moment. You will find they have good and bad sides to them. They may be trying to help you but in all the wrong ways. You can challenge them if they are over or under blown. Meditation can help. Watching them arise as you are trying to focus on your posture and your breath. Letting it all be. Acknowledging it happening without judging or criticizing yourself. Becoming less attached and less unattached or avoidant. Watch how they subside, arising and falling like waves. Understand the natural cycles of things. Surf an urge or impulse without actually acting on it. See how long you can last. Play with it. The problem with mindlessness, in my opinion, is that we become enmeshed with aspects of our interior world, and when you think you are your thoughts, or you are your feelings, this can cause suffering. You can learn not to buy in so much. Just let them in, have them for tea, but challenge them when they have outrageous ideas like telling you that you are nobody or nobody likes you, or that you will never get things right because you're a screw up. No! That is a lie! You’re really not broken or faulty or unloved. You are living in the context of an unforgiving, fast-paced, judgmental, patriarchal, capitalist world! And it is having a bad effect on you. Anyone might naturally feel lonely, alienated, weak, and hopeless in this context. Don't believe everything your automatic thoughts tell you. Talk to them. Question them. Stay curious. And try to keep moving toward your values, toward your happiness. Fight for your life if you must. Find the ones out there who you can understand, the ones who can appreciate your struggle, the ones who give you the sense of belonging that everyone is thirsty for. Try to envision your best self and be your best self today. Don't give up hope! #katyamills
Saturday, 8 July 2023
neuro 1
July 23
I rolled up the cuffs and took my time. washed the glass on both sides. borders brought in line. i drove pins into the frame and secured it on the wall. hyper focus tended to still these mercurial waters. studying the face behind glass i saw we suffer the same
#katyamills
Friday, 7 July 2023
chalk on canvas
where land and water meet
in a white dress fastened by a blue sash
auburn hair cut close to the head
a dove sheltered under the chin
tail feathers fanning down
the gaze subdued and searching
they are made of more than
chalk on canvas
#katyamills
Thursday, 6 July 2023
passage
we talked all night
let the heaviness inside
out. i watched it fall
off your aura like
a film restoration
criterion collection
passage through point
of inflection
#katyamills
Wednesday, 5 July 2023
sun and sea
the old sea turns
a very deep blue
our eyes skipping stones
flirt with the pages
everything touched by the sun
i ask can it be?
you say it's forever
maybe
maybe
#katyamills
the fifth
Saturday, 1 July 2023
all the soft sounds
cat tail swishes
electric lights fizzling out
morning dove
water rush behind the drywall pipes
moths wings
pilot ignition ticking
clocks
dawn holds all the soft sounds premature in its infinite silence
#katyamills
plastic oceans
awash in plastic oceans
they lived for the ones who could not
no longer medicated numb
no longer heralded by fear
no longer dressed in tailored ads
the followers of fads
they lived for community
like it was the first day
like it was
the last
#katyamills
Friday, 30 June 2023
free on planet oat milk
the deepest end
some lives go off
the deepest end
what if they did not sell the soul
it got absconded
#katyamills
Thursday, 29 June 2023
#1 thought
12 thoughts
run round my head
i select the very best one
wrap it carefully in the comics
we already read
when the moment comes
i will bring it out into the sun
for the trusted special ones
the undivided
there was light enough
to bring the work to completion
the sun soon corralled
behind the fence
wasted was the fullness
hanging heavy off
the vine
troubled were the thoughts
arising in the mind
i gave them my undivided
until the sky was red
then with a wink
sent them off
to bed
#katyamills
question
if you cannot question your thoughts the same way you question authority you will live under the influence of them and what a way to live
#katyamills
Wednesday, 28 June 2023
July 10
the warmth we once had between us began to burn. talking to you felt dangerous like dodging thrown knives or jumping a live wire. i don't know where it all went wrong or maybe i do. i cannot answer the phone when you call. not because i don't want to. it's just not safe anymore.
#katyamills
editorial
they bound the hay with cord
stacked in cubes on golden fields
like newspapers espousing causes
forming larger cubes on solid earth
fated for consumption
#katyamills
schizophrenia 1
the personality
is disordered they told him at the clinic
take these pills
he filled the prescription
in a fortnight by god he was freed from
the voices yet suddenly
terribly
alone
#katyamills
July 6
#katyamills
the galaxy within us
deep in the heart of the galaxy
known as samsung
the metals of rare earth secrete into the bloodstream
accounting for the odd behavior transcribed
in the last newspapers
on earth
#katyamills
Monday, 26 June 2023
notes from a remote location
Saturday, 24 June 2023
the one that got away
Wednesday, 21 June 2023
let them run
this house
speaks to me in code
of bubbled paint
settles into earth
taking on the stress
so i won't have to
this is my home
cracks appear in the walls
let them run
i am thankful
splash of milk
in the tea
#katyamills
Tuesday, 20 June 2023
octo.pi
my emotion
a lonely cephalopod
reaching and grasping
tossed against a sky made
of salt water
turning inside out
blasting any blank page
with ink
#katyamills
Monday, 19 June 2023
1984 sketch
on holiday
Sunday, 18 June 2023
migraine city
migraine city
you got into my head
two years earlier
you killed my friend
on the third day
quivering and wet with fever
like a flower facing the sun
i took charge and backed you into the lungs
come out and fight! Corona
you got nothin
on me
#katyamills
what you want won't help you much
what you want won't help you
any longer than the sweet brief season
in anticipation of getting it...
getting it... having it upon getting it...
until it no longer really interests you
because you already got it
#katyamills
Saturday, 17 June 2023
sunny side up
match girl
at night i set my head ablaze
became a dangerous passionate thingthe world lit
a burnt end by dawn i toed the line at work
confused by forced and dreary duality
self-inflicted. for work today is life
and life is work. thank god
for the illumination
#katyamills
Friday, 9 June 2023
make out session with life
we stopped scrolling
and streaming we put away our phones
braved the weather
stepped into our colors
and made out well
at the dance
#katyamills
22
the multi boundless medias
the vitamins
medications
nothing could console
her sordid collection
of heartbroken
recollection
#katyamills
Wednesday, 7 June 2023
midnight
dressed down after the grand occasion i
made us a pot of midnight coffee we
recollected the week from beginning to end
the sun came back around
and sent us to bed
#katyamills
Tuesday, 6 June 2023
taraxacum erythrospermum
Dandelion was the name of the candy store in the town where I grew up. a tall man with a moustache used to keep shop with an anxious high whistle. he watched us kids by mirrors with hawk eyes. when they make you for a thief long enough, you want to prove them right. one day the whole gang flooded the store, eight of us, then took off like we done something wrong. we dropped our skateboards over the curb and rolled out. breaking apart like the seeds of a taraxacum erythrospermum blown by the wind. #katyamills
Monday, 5 June 2023
an age old scam
off the ave
they ditched the stolen bmw off this one road elbows the avenue the only witness the strawberry moon
#katyamills
take a chance on
summer nights
the heat was deep and sustained forcing
rolling blackouts like a wave over the power grid
you filled the void by malt liquor and fits of patriarchal tyranny
we have no candles i lied
descending the back stairwell i would rather
take a chance on
the street
#katyamills