soft wish

a single striped candle. a blazing light

i make a soft wish

he sings to me only once a year

and i adore him

#katyamills

seconds

you had to fumble for a little hope in the darkest places and thread it and stitch fragments together. the absence of hope made you care about it more. there were other ways to feel and not to feel and i wanted to know them all. #katyamills

seconds 2

you put up the impenetrable walls without even thinking. drinking at bars was a way to take a sledgehammer to them but you couldn't break through. passing a joint around a circle of friends maybe. some artificial light cutting into the night. but if you really want some sunshine you gotta take them apart brick by brick. you gotta be longing for it. badly  #katyamills

any american

like any american

she was in debt

in the wealthiest country in the world

pressing the last bit out toothpaste out of the roll

easy with cash 

when she was drunk

#katyamills

ph phrenia

i often saw sweet images 

as we pressed liquid into fabric

processing soy sauce for the restaurant

i kept this to myself for years 

until the voices began to speak to me 

you can't make me do anything I don't want to

i cut and stretched and framed the fabrics 

let me share with you

here. open your eyes

can you see?

#katyamills

upon waking. tuesday morning

tuesday morning

wake me with flashing pixelated light

blast me with heat from a gasoline engine

drop a single sugar donut into my belly

float me on a river of coffee 

black. let them play with words 

if they want 

#katyamills

wanted

they was being themselves

and they got told they was not okay

that way

this is how it is for us

this is why we stick together

so when they ask us to be someone

for them

we can say hell no

and go somewhere where we

are wanted

#katyamills

corazón

she paints her face

throwing knives at cutting boards

for the little creatures

she attacks dirt grease cobwebs until very late at night

when the narcissistic monster comes home 

demanding of her

the heart of a fighter she

billows her skirt 

shows her teeth

#katyamills

the the the stuff

my doppelgänger

fell for a car and a home. a washer and a dryer

years of not caring much about stuff and now

she does

when i inquired about the change of heart

she answered people die on the streets with nothing

why should we go out like that?

she does whatever she wants 

and now i think...

i like stuff

don't really know why and not sure i care

i like stuff

#katyamills

mega terf monster

will i see a mega terf monster

barking up the twitter tree

better get some bear spray just in case

or turn my iPhone into a strobe light

those who come without a phone

cannot take the throne

#katyamills

one two four liquor store

we had much to discuss

across from the liquor store

on a Friday night

gay icons

boba milk tea

lotto tickets

yellow curry

therapy

watching drunks

in the shadow of the 

marquee

#katyamills

year of the rabbit

the year of the rabbit

a month of steady rains

got my ticket. unlimited 

hopped the southbound

trains

#katyamills

un.caring

you may not feel the world 

so uncaring

if you place yourself in it

caring

#katyamills

tradition

caught in a downpour on the highway

rain and hail

the trucks wheels put up a fountain of water

blinding us. not long after someone road raged on us

like it was a tradition

i deepened my relationships 

to pain and uncertainty

today

#katyamills

January 16

behind us the sun
setting the storm clouds threatening 

the east

a full rainbow beams impossibly
across the sky

my thoughts
turn to the daughter
of the king

wishing they may be 

reunited

#katyamills

on the banks of the American River

after the storms
he came out swinging
cutting chips off a hackberry with his axe
to feed the smoky fire

the whole park deluged. camp sites underwater
tents ripped up off their moorings

the sky turned orange
all his strength in his arms
he came out swinging for
the comrades

#katyamills

love. circling

we rode our bikes across the bridge. on windy days we stopped to watch the starlings fly down off the supports, hundreds of them circling in unison. traversing land, sky and water. it was here where, what felt like a hundred years ago, we fell in love.  

  #katyamills

wicked sweet

i am butchering Spanish. i know it makes you laugh. reading the recipe on the back of Betty Crocker's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. she wasn't even really extant, BC. they made her up to sell sugar. all that's left is to crack this egg and have you at the belly. how wicked. how sweet.  

#katyamills 

one one four. lost

walmart. 8am. a man in the parking lot sells tamales out of the trunk of his car under a green and red striped umbrella. neither of us won the mega millions last night. soon I am #lost in the aisles in my thoughts.  

#katyamills

isolation bad

the stores were out of eggs. we were surviving on oatmeal. the highway e-billboard display bright like a star. severe storms. avoid travel. they left out the important part. severe depression. do not isolate at home. 

#katyamills

day 1

what you never thought 

would happen will happen 

this day

get out of bed

first

#katyamills

the tragically un.inspired

left in the dark one gloomy windy night
perpetrated by a climate change event
chance poses as terrible circumstance
to contend with the untouched material
at the core of anyone falling in the
common class the tragically
uninspired

#katyamills

shift

before dawn

i offer an honest appeal

born of faith

for strength to face life

and her many faces

only then may i shift

seamlessly into

work

#katyamills

yesterdays paper

scrolling. it's like a punishment i give myself for cheating on my life, carrying on this relationship non-discreetly with a phone

i drop it on the table. pick up yesterdays paper. the rain plays off the gutter rails. the comics are colorful

i find myself

drawing in the margins

#katyamills

one seven

when we were kids 

morbid was going to the cemetery dressed in black

even youth wants to make sense 

of death

#katyamills

 

treasure

on harder days she would be in her car, parked, watching rain hit the windshield to compose herself. she was a counselor. in the city of inflation, it was hard to balance accounts. she was full of treasured moments which stopped her from scrolling around for more lucrative offers. anyone with big problems coming to her office to talk for a spell, to rest, to let her in and shoulder any burden. it gave her the strength to carry on.

#katyamills

one five

the river swells

the walls of peat cannot contain her

the plain floods and the citizens run for their lives 

had they only listened when she spoke

tugging on them from the murky depths 

while they swam  

#katyamills

the runaway

no longer could they be held

the most lonesome note you ever heard 

drifted off the deepest bottom of a breath

the first hours walking the streets 

searching for a place to call home

#katyamills

at the pinball hall of fame

two hours

on the same and single quarter

she was generous she had us
in the twilight zone

finally we introduced to her
a disheartened boy
taken by gravity
pockets empty

the silver ball

pushed on the pin

he pulled back on the coil

fired her into play

we watched them fall
in love

#katyamills

cyclone

on a windy night 

in Sacramento

a massive tree fell and took down the power lines

several blocks are out

now we light the candles and listen

to our heartbeats and the storm

and the rain

#katyamills

true crime sediment

a new year

a deeper shade of blue overcomes the other colors

i fear the sediment damaged my

superlative sparkling 

outlook

i head to the lab 

with intention to forge 

a true crime 

filter

#katyamills