2.28.23

the last light 

of an abbreviated month 

appeared in rain 

falling like whispers
from the sky 

#katyamills

sy.nap.se

there are days

where i am so pulled so stretched

to the synapses

give me ten minutes of rest

sunk in those spaces

recharged by chemical

reactions

#katyamills

sav.asana

deep in dead body pose

you never felt so alive

letting the exhalations wander 

out into space

with compassion 

for all

#katyamills

opposing voices

be super

be sweet

no one else can

be you

be quiet

wake up

you're lazy

you can't 

#katyamills

there is no safe

you wanted me
to be soft and sweet. safe
but i came out all hard
and tough to swallow

you broke your teeth
on me. tasted blood

i left the leash and collar
snagged upon your
fence. i ran with all i
got. body mind spirit
guts

#katyamills

night fight

must we always ruin a perfectly decent Saturday with our Saturday night fight?

#katyamills

Ofa!

how
with your laughing spirit you
left earth last year. i would travel great distances to meet you but not that far (not yet)
and thank god you are here in my heart
and reflections of you
in your family and even random
spirits i cross

#katyamills

2.27.23

i saw a mom hug her kid
not wanting to let go


a bird in a tree
cheerful with #incomplete song


i saw a runaway
making a break for it


2 dobermans overlooking a wall
sniffing out the commotion


life is like a sentence. unedited
unblemished


running on and on
and on

#katyamills

2.19.23

i still wanted to believe

i saw the good die young

and the others live long and untroubled

circumstance like a thief

had snatched my faith away

prayer became senseless without it

i never stopped wanting to believe

and so i learned to ask only

that my faith be restored

and it was

 

#katyamills

love in the delta

the tomato harvest ending
he got stabbed in the ribs
stepping in to help a friend
at the dance


the pain in his heart made the wound
meaningless. he feared he would not
see her again


camp broke up
he steeled himself for fate
up river she came to release him
too late

#katyamills

 

stop

he would work

until it killed him

distant he surrendered the emotional fields 

full of land mines 

you cannot tell him to stop

he has no stop

#katyamills

dec.ade

 ten years before

on the brink of madness

they slept rarely and up all night

emotions swallowed them 

there was nowhere in the world

they knew to be safe 

ten years on

they would never forget

the terror of the past

and each and every new sunrise 

they was inside and out

radiant

#katyamills

soda profits

the soda

a rather inadequate drink deleterious to the health

and yet any business who sells it profits upwards of %800

of the 30 cents it costs them per!

on a tangent i am happy to say i mostly quit soda

other than an occasional ginger 

ale

#katyamills

the meaning manufacturing plant

we have our grave differences
crashing around these rooms
we speak as though what we believe were facts


no. they are just opinions
packaged by the meaning manufacturing plant


i would be sincere. acknowledge the power
the thoughts have over us
and love you just the same

#katyamills

Nevada morning

24 floors up encircled by a mountain range
dipped in snow

i was looking down on the streets by

the old Cal Neva. drunks and construction workers

walking the streets. cold dawn

you were watching bad chad on the tele
hunting junkyards for a contracted car

i stretched yawned tumbled on 

down to the lobby 4 my first cup of coffee

time to weld a chassis to this frame 

and get back in 

the game

#katyamills

dead or alive

sometimes

if you get very still with yourself

and listen closely

the palm of your hand on your chest

your heart will tell you

all you need 

to know

if you get nothing

call the doctor

you may be dead

#katyamills

gen z meets recession

she shivered in a tank top 

walking home in her black work boots

her work uniform long gone

they call it letting you go

which is nice nice for clean out your locker

get out and don't come back

damn it  she said

i will find somewhere 

better

#katyamills

downhills

the road on which we traveled passed along and over the ridge. life was full bore uphill for a time before it leveled. we hit a diner. walked around and talked to random people. i am warmer in the cold, paradoxically, gambling the tax refund away, downhills are harder than the climb.  #katyamills

2.9

we set out. the sun was high in the sky. denver omelettes and coffee. we put chains on and headed up the mountain. you were chewing on jerky, i played with the chain on my neck as we talked it all out. the rivers were mighty carrying snow and dead skin down to the valley.

#katyamills

connex

you got some new clothes

eyebrows threaded for the occasion

watching two films at once

(flashbacks included) at the movies

when you fell off the pulse

you had access to the words to ask him

for kindness please and promulgate

the connection

#katyamills

spell of expansiveness

they grew very lonely with dreams of leaving 

the farm

they began to recite a spell they inherited

from the great great ones toward

expansiveness

one morning

sun peeking over the ridge

dew on the grass

enfolded with promise

they followed the first rays

west

#katyamills

2 work

got stuck in a loop again searching 

for the best self before we went extinct

could not find it on the phone

could not find it 

in a pill... 

found the best self

just going to work with you

and doing what we

do

#katyamills

sweet.ness

the city streets was ice cold

they had clarity of thought and dangerous 

in the best way

disarming you with unanticipated sweetness

violet with kindness for the world 

#katyamills

co.nun.drum

keep working and you can work your way into and out of the conundrum we call life 

#katyamills

bodhichitta

they watched true crime

not because they liked suffering

they watched to awaken the compassion

toward all who suffer

#katyamills

undiagnosed ADHD

you was only five so full of questions and promise. could not stay still. got lost in your head in your dreams. setting your mind upon something was next to impossible. they thought it was cute until you got up in grades and got ridiculed. it became painful trying to conform and you dropped out of school eventually. something was wrong with you and I guess it must be you. you found work and got fired for careless mistakes and you were bored anyway so whatever. you found more work and lost more work and you began to believe you were stupid and bad and it was useless to keep trying. someone offered you some magic powder which blasted all the confusion out of your head. you went back again and again to the man. you went on like this in a new magical world of perfect clarity until you finally blew up your bank account and we all know how the story goes. after much trial and tribulation you were forced to comply and admit you didn't know anything about life or how to go about it. when you finally heard the therapist say I think this may be ADHD and yes, don't worry, there's something we can do about it. you broke down crying... thank god... thank god... it wasn't you. it never was. 

#katyamills

felt pretty bad being alive and all

an accident stopped them from running around 

trying to hustle up enough money as they had done their whole life

they listened to all the yearning all the reaching 

inside it was like a waterfall

they got to see what was underneath 

all this ruthless behavior

it felt pretty bad but not as bad as the broken bones

they let the water pound them into oblivion

a lightness overcame them 

no longer a body

a spirit

#katyamills

fifty

they got down on the boy 

it was easy

to be unkind

looking through 

the fear lens

drilled into him 

day after day

like newspaper

pressed with ink 

and what about 

abundance?

give it 50 spins 

around the sun 

he shut down the

press. for good

i can feel

i can help

i can finally live

#katyamills