b you b true

we fight the urge to be reclusive 

and elusive and we 

steady the emotional storm 

beam our sign 

irreverent into the heart 

of American darkness 

persuasive? i could give a fuck 

we are true we are real and 

pervasive

#katyamills

post election blues

you can find beauty 

anywhere

even in a swamp 

holdin on for dear life 

by a vine thick 

as a rope in the sand 

quick 

desperate

breath of life quivers 

like a candle wick 

afire ... 

lit

#katyamills

11.2

she filled the hollow with flowers
uplifting her mood
and when they struggled to raise their heads
she filled the hollow with water
and buried her heart
in the earth

#katyamills

Happy Halloween!

 the spirit had no attribute for it was clothed in their skin saw through their eyes and reached to avenge through their arms and fingers and nails

in his final shallow fast breaths fading he saw the one whose life he took ... no! it cannot be ... alive!

#katyamills

grace on equal ground

an affinity for early mornings exploiting the vulnerabilities in flawed systems then watching the hierarchy tumble so we can all stand on equal ground and then they be surprised to see us offer our love having presuming we would not

#katyamills

instrumentals

this morning the Cure instrumentals keep me warm as I try to express myself more and more. if I don't keep writing I tend to get lost and fear I will forget myself. so much static out there crossing my signals. got to tend to this fire or it goes up in smoke kinda feeling.  #katyamills

untarnished

blow by blow
on her back
taking strangers
decimated
the ego
sexy facade
sparkling bright
who will pay
for a night?
gave the last of what
she had away
save
the spirit
untarnished
aglow

#katyamills

loose tooth

working the orchard

they were pretty dehydrated 

one of the apples 

pulled off the branch 

they sunk their teeth in 

went in for another

bite they saw blood 

felt around the mouth 

the drunken fight 

last night 

a tooth was 

loose

#katyamills

time blind

The sun set on a quiet winter day and they fell off into a faraway cavernous thought space with music playing off a box radio plugged in and hung up over the sink with bungees so they could access it from the bed, too heavy to move. Time got lost in their blindness of it.

#katyamills

sugar

she gave them #sugar
honestly
enough to sweeten the deal
not poison it

#katyamills

twilight

clouds were roaming
we were still
in the gloaming there settled
a chill


a wolf was circling
with three coyotes
coming in
for the kill

#katyamills

tea

black tea 

and me 

always agreed 

she declared 

we are more like green 

respect 

and keep a fair 

distance

#katyamills

tsundoku

the difficulty was not with tsundoku so much as it was with society and the tendency they had to work and work and work the plentiful jobs none of which supplied the proper income to live on the blade

#katyamills

OCT1

they acquired the skin of a melon ... layers upon layers of bruised rejection ... exterior to a sweetness saved for the one true love they had yet to lay eyes on

#katyamills

SEP30

gossip turned to murder

in the glamorous

never amorous

days

#katyamills

SEP27

the radiance kinda annoyed her. she wanted it dulled like a monotone voice or an overcast sky. but here she was caught in the middle of a flashbulb. oh well. better make the most of it. she turned the key and started a conversation with the older man. he had a good take.

#katyamills

saved by the black cat

I woke up in a pejorative mood and mostly toward myself all the faults I could find in the mirror and at my feet the longing eyes looked up. the green eyed black cat saved my sorry ass once again! 

#katyamills

SEP23

in memory
of years long gone
entangled
touching there
down with my fingers
my toes
need not be painful
when you follow
where the story
goes

#katyamills

SEP22

without fail the sun touched the horizon with light and out on the balcony I saw and felt the warmth and stayed until I was calm enough to let it penetrate me. I realized today that I have bought more books than I can read, and I haven't even bought that many books this year. I'm just a slow reader and time goes by fast. ;)

#katyamills

chorus of laughs

if you fast forwarded his life
you would see the torrent of lies
one big one every fortnight
2 get what he wanted


he made it to the tournament
of liars. rolling in on the gray goose
decked in chains and checkered flag
outfoxed by his cellie
chorus of laughs

#katyamills

September

the bells continue to ring
the birds continue to sing
the seasons to change
the locks to turn
the fires to burn
the dogs to bay
the thoughts 2 stray
the spirit 2 yearn
love 4 life
everlasting

#katyamills

SEP10

with all the violence and its deleterious effects on society i begin to wonder what sense is there? we are emotional we become our emotions and this gives rise to all the varied works of art we cherish and the same capacity taken to extreme can end in murder. 

#katyamills

SEP9

try not to let that possess you. i know. it's hard living in a negativity storm and you wonder when it will pass over. keep faith. clouds never ever ever ever stopped the sun from reaching the earth.

#katyamills

no glitter

 no glitter but there was rhythm ... in our fragments in our brokenhearted divisions we felt something ... the dead to the world got a pulse ... not all was lost like we thought ...

SEP8

okay. just up sitting on my balcony with the cat watching the geese fly overhead to the pond … working on memoir. excited to watch the Raiders first game of the season with Tosh today … trying not to itch this poison i got on the trail above Stinson Beach over labor day weekend … hoping it goes away … feeling grateful … pissed off tho cuz some asshole hacked my friends account and messaged me like they were her and shes been missing for many years now went back into addiction land and i was so excited to hear from her but what a let down ... i told those assholes ‘you hacked a missing persons account the FBI is watching you!’ to hopefully put a scare into them. Danielle, i wish i knew you were okay.

#katyamills

101 years

the sunshine hit him in the face and painted shadow lines up and down his body. he yawned. yes I am a thief but I only stole enough to give my family. it's so hard to survive in twenty one twenty five.

#katyamills

ghost

she was wondering why (she just wanted to stir her tea) when it hit her. last fall before her brother had overdosed & passed away it was the same thing. she didn't know how they use a spoon for it. she shivered. goddam! he's still here!




#katyamills

civil disobedience

civil disobedience 

notoriously perceived as bad 

raised an eye @ thoughtless 

law

#katyamills

afterthought

lying here with you
in the thickened air
under these roadworn wheels
caged bulb and steel
taste of grease and oil
on my lips
i don't mind being the
after thought

#katyamills

coda

4 the coda

they hung the head down
between the knees
and blasted it with super freeze
hairspray

#katyamills

LA

traversing the hills above LA in his Porsche
she shifted her weight and leaned in to him on a tight corner with a song and a chorus of gears

 

#katyamills

boba straw heels

these heels. thick as boba straws. he picked her up on the subway simply by the coincidence that she saw him reading Hit Parade of Tears. he seemed happy (her arm around him) she twisted her ankle in a groove in the cobble. Izumi Suzuki. we would have been friends.

#katyamills

motif

a central part of her process involved locating the #motif internally and forging ahead until its pattern and rhythm are clearly communicated and staying with it until ready for print #vss365

#katyamills

August 1

they heard their name
a whisper on gossiping breath
between classes
it couldn't be kindness
think about me talk about me focus on me
all you want while i go about my life and
elevate

#katyamills

shift change

they smiled @ shift change

worked the whole night. a double

 'oh what insanity' 

fell out on season six episode 

two. late late July and thank god 

did the numbers 

drowsy can rest knowing i 

made the rent i 

made it

 

#katyamills

726

she matches summer skirt with the brand new shoes she lace the eyes and lines and ties and walks out head high to rumble of boys engines under vivid skies

#katyamills

boycott proud

this was a word they no longer had any use for. proud . arrogated by nationalists and fascists ... racists and xenophobes. when heard it made them wonder - so you're proud - at whose expense?  #katyamills

724

i don't wear diamonds or flashy things. will shine off anyone who sparkles with kindness. and what about remorse? when you say the word very slowly it will give you its essence like being patient with a flower by the rising sun.

 #katyamills

722

 you cannot get some things back, no, they are gone forever ... yet you can bring the memory of belonging to life if you meditate on it ... let the deep imprint wash over you until it again becomes tangible and real  

#katyamills

broken phone liberation party

the phone crashed to the ground and broke

all the lost feelings
began to surface


there was a sudden freedom 

that followed the sudden despair

all the lost feelings
they began to 

feel




#katyamills

muddling 1

when you muddle the facts
looking out your fearful lens
my animus comes with animosity
and wants to slap the sense
into you. but you are me and
it would be silly to slap myself so
I pull you close and we open
a book instead

#katyamills

thought balloon #4

thought balloon forming
in and out of consciousness
glimmers opaque without feeling
any more 4 this world

#katyamills

x twitter

 

Vitamin K

@Katya444ever

little good comes out of being rushed like words expedited to publication. twitter was what it was. an echo chamber run by a billionaire who long ago lost touch with a commoner. a first draft machine. and a social diversion with like minded heartfelts.

#katyamills

4ever

it did not seem a dangerous word
forever
when it left the throat
puckering the lips @ the R
in the prime of love


after the fall
she tried to move on and
he made it so

#katyamills

on a flagging memory day

no longer
could he recognize her
she held his hand
for a while and the felt
sense remembered
on a flagging memory day
this boon. touch
cementing their bond
against the dreadful
fear

#katyamills

a.tone

she looked up with pleading eyes
a lock on her voice
stop this nonsense. he said
atone is all she heard
the tears like Mumbai rains
washed away her fear
steel in a world of plastic
i was there. but I didn't do it
they are my friends!

#katyamills

pulse

they
fogged up the glass
in the back


electrical short
wheels spinning
her pulse went
slack

#katyamills

connate

i could not kill it i could only deny it repress it numb it dissociate from it for to kill it would be the death of me. connate it caught my eye again like a stain i incorporate with oils into the oeuvre

#katyamills

quint.essence

the quintessence
of the initial draft
a chaos of emotions
boiled down over a thousand
cups of blue bottle coffee
matched by morning
suns

#katyamills

July 7 (#vss365)

you won't see us desperate for company or terrified of being alone with our thoughts. #introvert we can kick it with the ones we love and care about but if there's too many around for too long we may get a little tired and need to cash out.  #katyamills

July 6

i leaned on the wall

it's close to 100 degrees

breathless in the hall 

fell on my knees

i love that we 

gonna live here 

together

but how can we rest

on a couch 

standing up

facing west? 

#katyamills

be.queath us

they bequeathed us
a cashless society
our paper
the faces of founders
could now be burned
within the law
to stay warm

#katyamills

July 3

 worn from traveling we

encircled your kitchen table

where we used to say grace

some of us silent unable to

stop the tears

stirring our coffee with silver

embossed with your owls

may the gods embox

my heart. inhume it

so i can rise to this moment

and help you to rest

#katyamills

life of light and shadow

like a candle
measuring time
life will be brilliant and haunting
illuminating the unconscious
by symbols by dreams
casting shadows
life will be flammable
like an impulse
with a lock on
its aim

#katyamills

swift-e

she was singing alongside taylor swift on the radio and imagining they were friends just fucking around with a duet. and swift punched her in the arm and said they sounded good together actually. maybe ill get you up on stage. nah. that's okay Taylor. this is more fun.  #katyamills

white bison

gentle is the truth
bled out from the tip
of the pen
absorbed by the pulp
of a sweet fallen
tree

#katyamills

serrated

astonished 

all of their life behind them 

serrated 

suddenly pulled together 

into a coherent 

story

#katyamills

Assange

he touched down in Australia
having faced draconian measures
he was finally home
sorrowful after the imprisonment
time was taken but not
dignity

#katyamills

six 25

shine a light
dear memory
into the anxious night
of forgotten
long lost
loves


crossing
back into the stitches
radiant and fused
what a mess we made
not knowing how
to live


we had each others
kind words soft touch
to get us through

#katyamills

six 23

even kindness 

was hardwired in

a world patterned for war 

the downtrodden 

they showed us 

the way

#katyamills

six twenty two

the best part was

you made me free 

2 say whatever I had to say

2 dress how I felt like 

2 be in diverse moods 

2 go anywhere with you 

knowing you would 

protect us


#katyamills

nowhere

a cracked and bleached road

took me deep into nowhere

the crop dusters engines pulling up on gravity

like grasshoppers bull frogs birds

thoughts and feelings can coexist

here without force

#katyamills

against a fire

i didn't want to I

was scared of you 

and all your power 

but if i didn't stop you now 

there was no telling 

what might happen 

so i spoke up 

when you crossed me 

and dug in 

like a fire line held 

in a rugged 

county

#katyamills

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/391715-grand-theft-life

enter for a free e-copy of Grand Theft Life

(my second book)

in April

pristine the morning was
before jet engines broke
ducks and geese leading
little ones half woke
across the pond to where
the beaver felled maple
made for shade in
April

#katyamills

after the thaw

i had to bury her
after the thaw
that bad ass bitch
after it all
who came to exist
when i was in danger
now left me wounded
and raw
my shadow like
a stranger


all the unfeeling
revved up 2 distraught
voices carried
across the hall
they were mine they
were

#katyamills

not to be mistaken

tenderness 

was not 

her thing 

thick 

the skin 

reptilian 

the lashes 

conveying tears 

to the crows 

feet 

only 4 

lubricant 

not to be 

mistaken 4
true
emotion

#katyamills

I who made me feel

the way you
made me feel
i could not stick
around


i could not
whiskey rocks
i bought
and downed
til I was numb and dumb
like the wake of a
sunset


on the periphery i
discovered it was i
who made me feel
that way

#katyamills

what we had

it wasn't romantic
what we had
didn't catch fire like
some fad
couldn't make millions
off a silver screen
wouldn't walk a runway
just to be seen
faded discolored was
what we had
blown in the glare
of a weary lag
we quietly held hands
in the alley

#katyamills

a nod to inattention

cheers to meeting our potential 

at a four star hotel
with roses atop down pillows 

five hours every morning 

pushing iron letters into ribbons 

a nod to inattention and 

our own worst
enemy

#katyamills

lingo

thursday. chronically blue they chose another hue with a front loaded track touched with bright and friendly lingo

#katyamills

key to the crime

discovered by a librarian working in the stacks it was key to solving the murder. they knew she had met him there and was his type and was the last place she was seen. the correspondence on the paper in the book matched both their handwriting and tied them.

#katyamills

iota

iota. ninth star. fading into blue at five forty-five am. the sixth month the fourth day of the year. it was ridiculously early to think but they could at least count to ten.




#katyamills

if dirt could speak

 the crow stood out 

against the songbirds his voice 

like if dirt could speak 

okay okay 

what have you to say crow? 

he chided me with off pitch 

neither sweet nor ingratiating 

felt somehow 

like truth

#katyamills

calcify

what architecture is this? despondent and fractured. one more stress and I fear it will all come down... you're mistaken, she said. it has weathered a thousand of our darkest days and will withstand a thousand more... long after your bones are calcifying the garden.

#katyamills

will.ow

she was the only woman up on the rooftop stapling in the shingles all day long with the others. you cannot pay me enough on this hot summer day. sheltered only by a hoody she stared longingly at the willow making shade by the pond.   #vss365

no sunflower seeds

yesterday we rambled through a maze of parks and trails just north of Sacramento. we encountered friendly travelers and odd signage posted on the back stops of several diamonds: NO SUNFLOWER SEEDS

#katyamills

May 27

diurnal they accosted me ... though unable to be seen known through 5 senses ... I located them with the sixth ... keeping my enemy close I charmed then unlocked their vulnerabilities ... now we can dance




#katyamills

liken

 the culture grew on us like lichen. in time we would be fighting and hurting too. it got so hard to remember we could only imagine how we were before. I wrote some simple words... you drew something... reminiscent of loving. 

#katyamills

pill

there is no pill you can take to stop the madness she said trending below baseline hands beginning to tremble fearful of her emotions

#katyamills

magpie

many a magpie

I've the pleasure 2 know
bouncing off my toes
trying to stay warm
idle chatter at the bus stop in the snow
helped to endure
the storm

#katyamills

quote

"we are not so helpless to find our way back to our own states of mind" 

#katyamills

May 19th

yesterday was a cluster so I gave in. a bowl of lucky charms and oat milk. lying on the couch with my favorite blanket and the cats. watching true crime.

#katyamills

think from the heart

the world 

had been saying 

you are unwanted 

for quite some time

she lost any hope of

surviving here

then the gods 

told her in a dream

think from your 

heart

#katyamills

ethos

the building lay vacant, locked and chained, on the market to be sold. anytime they happened to be in midtown they went out of their way to see it. remembering the ethos there. the tenacity. how everyone pulled together and true to the cause.   #katyamills

logo

there was no logo for what we endured

#katyamills

book review

The latest review on Goodreads.com 

for my novel AME AND THE TANGY ENERGETIC

 "Within the pages of a fantastical world, "Ame and the Tangy Energetic" tells the captivating journey of two friends, Ame and Kell. The narrative is immersed in the gripping challenges that characters face. Addiction, self-discovery, and the resilience required to navigate the complexities of life are explored skillfully by the novel. Ame and Tangy Energetic's beauty is enhanced by the author's poetic writing style, which sets it apart. For those seeking a captivating blend of fantasy and emotional depth, this novel is a must-read that leaves a lasting impression on the heart."    - Archana

Here is the link to the review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6088358547

killing time

killing time until we
drop my heart charged with
loving you I cannot
stop

#katyamills

May 1

we were all breaking apart little by little day by day and it wasn't poetic. you with your back breaking work at the foundry, the kids living on credit and loans, me with my heartbreak. even the cats needed meds.    #katyamills

April 30

 Tuesday morning. ironing a crease. setting the radio volume low. adding carrots and pumpkin seeds. forming a part in the hair. fingertips saturated in super hold gel.  #katyamills

April 28

my god how I cooled into a calm to see you settle into this deep faith leaving your momentary suffering behind.     #katyamills

April 27

You would come to me, sad and belittled, with holes in you, sometimes angered always hurt, and I would tend to your wounds, reminding you gently that he wasn't all bad and nobody is... a byproduct of the war, damaged property of the US Army and in a great deal of physical and psychological pain. 

 #katyamills

money mouth

 

Vitamin K

@Katya444ever

·

56m

they saved all thecoins thinking was magical like metal 

made wealth

#katyamills

April 25

I could hear the thunderous bass line on the other side of the bridge. From here it was much kinder like the water took the heat out of it. I had to repeat myself five times. The first two because you were drowned in sound. The last three because you could not believe what I said. You made your way to the side of the stage and stuck a finger in your ear and pressed the phone to your head, 'Why?'

#WIP #katyamills

April 24

 WIP excerpt... 

They stood on shore, dripping. I thanked them and headed back up the levee to where you stood waiting, my love, and you put your arm around my neck and we walked to the car. I was crying a little and apologizing for ruining the concert. Behind us the kids had overthrown the ball and one was cautiously wading in to get it while his sister was yelling for him to be careful and watching him intently, chewing on her fingernails.  #katyamills

big deal

big deal! he said sarcastically. this time she would not believe him over her own emotions. it really was a big deal and she wasn't crazy. and it happened on a full moon too.

#katyamills

drunk 1

the ocean
mirror of sky
the whole world
blue sinking
in the depths
you 

so much for drinking
and driving

#katyamills

folklore fail

she had become a splendid goddess of the sea according to the folklore. tell that to her brother her mother her father. her little dog. tell it to her lover whose heart was broken the day she drowned.

#katyamills

book review

Latest Review of Girl Without Borders

"I actually enjoyed the plot of this book. I had read a few reviews before reading it and saw that some people didn’t like the layout of the writing. I did enjoy it however the only issue I had was understanding when a person was talking as it wasn’t in speech marks but was in italics instead.
The plot was rather fun to read and easy to keep along with. I just struggled at times to understand it due to the writing style as stated before! However, it was often poetic to have the writing this way.

It was a great novel by a fascinating writer and I hope to read more works by this author in the future!!"

link to Georgia's review on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6427587464

pub crawl

to forget the trouble

to forget it all they 

shifted down into 

a pub crawl

#katyamills

terrible secret

the tractors
running on oil
manipulate the soil
5pm the workers head off
night falls
he buries the burlap sack
deep into the ground
with a folding WWII shovel
before CEMEX lays the
foundation
secret safe
4 now

#katyamills

peregrine

they got a lock on it

unwavering in the face of pressure and influence they did not self abandon

a peregrine falcon in a dive

#katyamills

whole life

 

Vitamin K

@Katya444ever

·

Now

the love story the duplicity the enduring faith after a crash and burn. what a saga ... if only it had been just a pitch, she exclaimed, not my whole life!

#katyamills